• Gushing with feelings, but won’t open up

    by  • July 6, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, Confession • 0 Comments

    Zachary my love,

    There are so many things I wish I could tell you, but being a measly 20, and you being 25, I always worry that the things I say are going to come off as childish and you will leave me for a more adult woman, seeing as you formerly dated a woman who was 30 and who had children. That’s my first and biggest admission to you tonight. Secondly, I want to talk on how much I feel for you. I love you. I can’t say it out loud for fear of looking like a silly love sick girl but I do… but I’ll never say it first. But the way you look at me and the way you hold me when you’re sleeping is intoxicating, and you always leave me wanting more. Bringing me to my next talking point, I wish I could have more of you. I know you’re busy working all day, and lifting, and looking after the kids, but I’d bet you can skip a workout, and you should let your sister look after her children for awhile. Not seeing you kills me, not talking to you all the time makes me feel like we’re not advancing, and when we’re together and you’re preoccupied, I feel a little neglected. I understand that’s just how you are, you’re not a super outwardly affectionate person, and that’s fine I’m not asking you to change, but please do take that into consideration. Speaking of the kids. I love hearing you talk about what you want in your future. I love that you want to have children and teach them all you know and carry on your family name. I love that you want to set your roots close to home because your family means the world to you and I love that you can share your thoughts with me. When you open up like that to me, all I can think about is myself being the woman you share your life with and it opens up this pit in me, but not a hole of despair but one of excitement and butterflies. It’s almost energizing to think, even for a minute, that I could be that girl. However, every time this comes to mind, almost as quickly as these feelings bubble up, they dissipate with the same question every time; Will you wait for me as I go through basic training and tech school? It terrifies me to think that you may find a more worthy woman to share your life with. I worry about it every day. You’re so wonderful, and you have so much to offer, it literally chokes me up to think of you with anyone else. But at last my ramblings come to an end when I tell you that I’m lucky to have you in my life, and you make me so happy. But, I’ll never tell YOU that….

    With Love,
    Michelle

    P.S. Sorry for calling you Zachary I know you hate going by your full name it just seemed more romantic.

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