So it’s been over 4 years now since I lost the love of my life, my best friend, my partner in this crazy world and did I mention the love of my life. I’ve mourned over you as if you’ve past away. Even though you’re still here physically I feel like I’ve lost the one I fell in love with. I’m not angry or upset with you anymore. I honestly forgive you for the hurt and pain you caused to me over the 15 years we were together but I would do it all over again because of the love we had for each other. I’m so thankful that I got to feel that with you because what we had was real true love. Soul Mates. I looked at you with such love, admiration, respect and was always blown away of your beauty. You always took my breath away every time you walked in the room and you always made my heart skip a beat when you starred at me with your gorgeous green eyes. I love looking at old pictures of us when we were young and crazy. We were always hip to hip in every picture. Always hugging or holding hands and always happy. Smiling. I always cry every time I go down that memory lane of pictures because we shared so many wonderful times together and I’m so grateful for that. Does it make me sad and upset that we won’t share that together as we’re growing older? It breaks my heart. In these 4 years that I’ve been putting my life back together doing this without you has definitely made me a stronger person. I forced myself to meet other women and try and open up to the possibility of having a relationship with someone. Unfortunately it always ends with the same results. Like a broken record. I just can’t give my everything to someone because they’re not you. I can’t look at anyone the way I always looked at you. No one makes me feel the way you did. No one kisses the way you did. No one holds onto me or hugs me the way you did. I will never make love to anyone the way we did. Most importantky no one will ever love me the way you did. So frustration always presents itself because I don’t understand why I can’t just let you go and move on. I don’t know if there’s a certain amount of time that has to pass to truly be “moved on”. At this point I would say with almost 100% certainty that I will never lose that love I had for you. Never. It’s always going to be in me and it’ll always be strong. You were the love of my life and I took it for granted as I feel you did also. We were young and life came at us very quickly. I wish we would have communicated with each more about us and put more time aside for us. We were so awesome together. Best friends with love and passion wrapped around it. I fucking miss that and you so much. So much. You were the coolest funniest person I knew and I loved how we were always on the same wavelength about everything. We even hated things good together. Why did this happen to us? We should have been that couple that everyone was jealous of and admired because we had that “it” factor that people would kill for. Why were we so selfish at times and lose sight of that? Fuck. I wish and will always wonder why you didn’t have just a little more fight in you for us, regardless of what had happened. We shared and experienced so much over those 15 years and we just threw it all away for bullshit that had happened. We both made mistakes but that’s the beauty in life in that we can learn from those things and grow as individuals from that. God I wish we would have fought for it because I miss you and I miss us. I’ve accepted that it’ll probably never happen so I just wanted to say thank you for giving me the greatest 3 presents in the world. Thank you for turning around in front of “section C” at wilt chamberlains restaurant and locking eyes with me. Love at first sight is real. Thank you for loving me the way you did and lastly thank you for saying
“I do” on that incredible day of June 9th. I love you always and forever. You’ll always be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on and I will love you till the day I die.