It’s like that Oasis song goes, ‘there are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don’t know how.’
I’ve tried writing you (yet another) letter over and over and over again, but somehow the words that swim around my brain just don’t want to leave it in an orderly form. I want to sit you down and tell you I still love you every day. I love you when you piss me off, when you’re happy, sad, grumpy, sleepy, tired, sarcastic, most of all – I love you even though you don’t love me back. It’ll be nothing new, you’ve heard and read these words a thousand times before and you still seem so unaffected.
You’ve started getting real comfortable around me again, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t get my hopes up just a tiny bit, thinking that maybe we could just go back to where we were before that day. I want to remind you that I still love you because it is so fucking hard to sit there with you flirting at me, play fighting with me.
I love you so much that it genuinely hurts to look at your stupid fucking gorgeous face. Someone asked me to tell them about you the other day and I couldn’t shut up, I could have gone on for hours about how wonderful you are. I honestly don’t know how to walk away from you but I don’t know how to stay and as stupid as it sounds, you pull me further apart each day.
I want to sit you down and for you to explain to me how we went from everything ‘I don’t want to go back to just being friends with you’ to ‘I just don’t feel it.’ If you could sit with me and explain that thought process maybe I could just get a little closure.
I know this is hard for you, I know you’re upset that you hurt me, I know it’s hard because you care, but I just want to understand. Maybe if I understood how it all happened, I could start putting this behind me. Maybe.