• Please N.

    by  • July 3, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 4 Comments

    Please come here, and read letters, and know who i am. God how i wish i could openly state the whole case, some letters i have written have covered it a bit but i want to scream it out fully and take time to say the ways i love you.
    I want you to know that there is nothing i wouldn’t do for you, that saying i would die for you, or even, the one most precious to you (because to die for them would save you from grief) is not something to say, it is something i mean.
    I have fears, but i would face them for you, i would change me, change the world for your love.
    If only there was a way, i would pray, i would ask for magick, anything.
    I have cried for you, and you know but less than the half of it, because i told you i love you and then you ran.
    I don’t want to live it is with difficulty i stumble blindly through another gut wrenching agonising day, putting on the mask of joviality but inside i am a broken wreckage of what i was and what i should be.
    All i can think of is coming home to you, holding hands with you as we walk on the beach, making you laugh, buying you the gifts that i know you would love, and yes, making love to you, but not for my gratification, for yours, because i only want to make you happy becaue to share your life would be everything.
    I am grateful i was ever in your life, but i am lost now.

    If you came here, would i recognise your style, would i find the words to convince you even to allow me into your life again?
    I would stop short of selling my soul in case eternity would grant me a moment with you, but otherwise, i would run, climb, pay, lift, talk, earn in any way i could if someone responded to me offering magick or prayer, i’d bite their hand off to try it, i know what a lost cause loser am i to love you so much and worse, it would be forcing you to love me, but that isnt what i want, i just want to become what you could love, physically of course i repulse you, at least it seemed that was your primary reasoning, and i dont hold that against you, we all look at attraction first.
    But if i could just get so far as to be in your life again, to have the most infinitesimal chance again, i would do what i had to to earn your love.

    Well i am ready to submit my will to god to remove this love, to find another, or to lead to you, or, to any one or any way that leads to your heart reciprocating.
    I confess i am selfish but you are as i said before, perfect in all things, there is none in this world but you, only you, always and always

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    4 Responses to Please N.

    1. I guess
      July 3, 2015 at 9:26 pm

      The grass is always greener. do you have a current girlfriend? I bet you do… What if she was to stumble upon your letters to ‘N’ ? Saying you want nothing more than to sleep with someone else and spend all your money on someone else. I bet she’d have a few heartbreak letters to start writing for herself…poor girl.




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    2. XBF
      July 4, 2015 at 6:09 am

      excuse me which N. do u mean this website have another many N messages .. please don’t mix ur message with others specifically your message its so horrible i worry my N see ours as mine .




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    3. Author
      July 4, 2015 at 4:30 pm

      Who i am with, i am with because of two reasons, they love me, the one i love does not.
      Ergo, why cause them heartache for no reason?
      And it is not that the grass is greener, sure if i was with who i want, there would be mundane days, hard days.
      What i do know though is i just know. And when someone is so perfect and you will love them all your life, is it your fault?
      Think that it is a matter of sleep with? I would go without the sexual part, if only i knew at least i’d share my life with her, share her dreams, and hold her and at least kiss her.
      Well, all i can say is you are part right, poor person, but i am making myself sad and heartbroken doubly,one because i am not loved by the one i see as an angel.
      And second, because i do feel bad, but i dont know what else to do.
      If the one, and she is. If she offered me a chance, would i ? Yes.
      But am i so awful to want to spend eternity loving and making them feel loved?
      I chose a person and chose before i met this other person. What about in the future? No, because there is just no doubt, if there was a way to prove it i would, but there is nothing she could do to sicken, anger, turn me away.
      I would stand with her against all else.
      So ok i am a horrid person, but i only know that i have no choice, i saw the other half of my soul, and i will love her forever and ever. I would do anything to earn her love.
      So if you think i am ok about things in the context you describe, no i am not, but my terrible sin is to try to make one person happy whilst being totally in love with the most perfect woman in the world.
      Sleep with? I am amused by your picking that since no, it is not that at all. I wish i could let people into my mind, show the feelings and then they could see.
      But it is as it is, you can believe or not.




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    4. Author
      July 5, 2015 at 1:13 pm

      @XBF-1. Sorry about that. 2. Go back and you’ll see i have written about my N a long time ago and often.
      I don’t always use her initial, but sometimes i do.
      And if yours comes here, then you are freely able to say her name and even, if you worry about the mix up, well you are quite obviously able to talk to her fully in real life.
      I have slim to 0 chance.
      So, you can call my message horrible, well you know nothing of the full situation and i think you are not someone whose troll opinion matters.
      I am horrible for loving someone so much and causing me great hurt?
      For not hurting another and leaving them because i dont love them enough, but instead giving them all they want and need and making them happy?
      Horrible because i dont want this, because ill hurt all the days of my life?
      You title yourself xbf (ex boyfriend ?) if so, you fucked it up, if you loved her then you should have thought first. Id never hurt the one i love, and if i hurt anyone id never want to but certainly my soulmate, she would be queen of my world through anything. But yeah, i am horrible.




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