Please come here, and read letters, and know who i am. God how i wish i could openly state the whole case, some letters i have written have covered it a bit but i want to scream it out fully and take time to say the ways i love you.
I want you to know that there is nothing i wouldn’t do for you, that saying i would die for you, or even, the one most precious to you (because to die for them would save you from grief) is not something to say, it is something i mean.
I have fears, but i would face them for you, i would change me, change the world for your love.
If only there was a way, i would pray, i would ask for magick, anything.
I have cried for you, and you know but less than the half of it, because i told you i love you and then you ran.
I don’t want to live it is with difficulty i stumble blindly through another gut wrenching agonising day, putting on the mask of joviality but inside i am a broken wreckage of what i was and what i should be.
All i can think of is coming home to you, holding hands with you as we walk on the beach, making you laugh, buying you the gifts that i know you would love, and yes, making love to you, but not for my gratification, for yours, because i only want to make you happy becaue to share your life would be everything.
I am grateful i was ever in your life, but i am lost now.
If you came here, would i recognise your style, would i find the words to convince you even to allow me into your life again?
I would stop short of selling my soul in case eternity would grant me a moment with you, but otherwise, i would run, climb, pay, lift, talk, earn in any way i could if someone responded to me offering magick or prayer, i’d bite their hand off to try it, i know what a lost cause loser am i to love you so much and worse, it would be forcing you to love me, but that isnt what i want, i just want to become what you could love, physically of course i repulse you, at least it seemed that was your primary reasoning, and i dont hold that against you, we all look at attraction first.
But if i could just get so far as to be in your life again, to have the most infinitesimal chance again, i would do what i had to to earn your love.
Well i am ready to submit my will to god to remove this love, to find another, or to lead to you, or, to any one or any way that leads to your heart reciprocating.
I confess i am selfish but you are as i said before, perfect in all things, there is none in this world but you, only you, always and always