“Hey you, out there on your own, sitting lonely by the phone, can you hear me?” (forgive the wrong lyrics – I had to change it for it to make sense)
Why haven’t you called me yet since coming to the US? Are you afraid to hear my voice? Will I disappoint you compared to my scintillating texts? And why the hell aren’t you texting me since the past 3 days? You used to, not too long ago. You even sent me a photo of those stupid pancakes. Why am I always initiating conversations now? Especially since the day we made concrete plans to meet up? Did something suddenly spook you? Are you scared? Chicken? Are you afraid of how you’ll feel when you see me? Or did you realize I was better from a distance? Oh, is this “killing the mystery” for you?
Am I the only one who’s so excited and nervous to meet? It bothers me that you aren’t more excited about this. Dude, I’m flying all the way there, and then taking a train to reach your place. Does all this seem desperate to you? Have you no concept of making efforts for another person? What is it? What’s your deal?
There’s only so many times I can tell myself you’re busy. Especially when I know you’re not particularly busy. You said so yourself. You said there wasn’t enough work to occupy your time. You keep complaining about it. And unless I’m very much mistaken, your social calendar isn’t chock-full either. How can it be? This isn’t even your city. And you’re not even sure about the long weekend plans. I thought maybe you’re gone to DC, but I have no way of knowing, because you don’t tell me anything. It’s a shame, really, Andy. It’s a shame. I thought we had something, real and warm. Yeah, I know I have a boyfriend. When has something like that ever stopped true like minds from connecting? It’s not like I want to trap you in any way. I know you don’t want love. But you would be missing out on something cheerful and comforting.
Ok, that’s it. I told you about my plans, now I’m not going to text you at all until I’m actually there. Yes, in person. Let’s see how you remain aloof then. I’m going to keep my cheerful countenance on, because I’m so good at that. I’ll not change any of the stuff I’ve planned. Let’s see how it goes. If you choose to open up to me, really let your guard down and make it worth my while, then I’ll take it you consider me a friend. If not, well… it’s back to just wishing each other on birthdays.