From time to time, I forget what just happened and try convince myself it’s not real.
It is true that I can’t live without you, literally.
Everything I ever said was true..
I am so close, I feel it in my bones and this, this sharp pain in my heart, this hollowness that goes through me, that is slowly but surely killing me.
IT HURTS THAT YOU LIED, BETRAYED ME
IT HURTS THAT YOU NEVER LOVED ME
IT HURTS YOU CONVINCING ME AM CRAZY WHEN I KNOW OTHEWISE. THIS IS NOT CRAZY, CRAZY IS BELOW ME.
I AM BETTER THAN THAT.
Hurts most, is that now I don’t know whether any of it was real, any of it? Now il never know.
I realise now every time you said something awful and nasty about… It was in fact about me.
I realise that I am the low, scruffy council “version” not vice versa like you said. I have to change
I realised that in life you really do have to tell a few lies to get what you want, I will learn to do a lot more which you taught me.
I find it, difficult, to write anything emotional to you because, it does not have any “value” and it don’t mean anything to you. did it ever? I fel I never knew you and now you… Feel a total stranger who belongs to… Someone else.
so il let this ache burn my heart, and as long as I breathe….
I think it would be silly to unblock you and have just a simple conversation when I cant trust it. And it means nothing to u.
Maybe one day you realise what you did to me, what i did to you. What i sacrificed, what u did. What im doing what your doing… And so on.
I know theres a quote. You dont know what you got til its gone or no one notices what you do until you stop doing it. A bit of cliche but nevertheless make perfect sense. I do believe we will both realise a lot more now that its over and with time at least appreciate 12 wasted months. Thank you for everything I really mean everything. Because what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, and if am not stronger then im dead really arent I?
It hurts, everything, everywhere i loook everything i doo. Worst of all those walls
How could you… Never mind. What matters is that you did.
You win, you are rid of me.
I dont come to this site anymore and this is the first and last letter to you.
I admit i was a “disgrace” and disollusional i must have been to believe all that time that we were real.
I am trying, to tell myself if God wills everything will be ok. But You damaged me and il never be the same again.
Take care of each other. rose.
Ps: By the way, butterflies have wings and you broke mine for the rest of this dunniya.