I am not sure if things are going uphill or down hill, but what I do know is that this relationship has been hanging on a string a couple of times, and the only thing that saved it, was me believing in you. Why? Because that is the way you put it, you always went to the extreme and challenged me to believe in you in order to make things work… and I always believed in you, every single time. You got angry by just mentioning “if you don’t believe in me, that is not my problem” and that way turning things the other way around blaming the whole thing on me. Did I do the right thing? Was believing in you the right answer? I know for sure I have suffered a f***ing lot by making that decision, by taking your side when no one else around me did. Was I a fool? If I was, I still am, I would still be living that lie.
I know that the only person that could have made me believe different was you, I needed you to tell me that what everyone else said was true, I needed you to tell me that those pictures were real, I needed you to tell me the messages I was getting were right… but you never did, you were always telling me that you did nothing wrong, that people were lying, that you would have never done such things.
Love dragged me into this, love pushed me way down the well into the deep where things aren’t clear anymore, light can’t reach that level.
I just hope I did (and I’m still doing) the right thing by believing in you. That’s all I can hope for, with all my heart. And if not, I hope this whole love-thing explodes into 10000 pieces (Yes, I know it will explode inside of me and break me in 1000 pieces too) as soon as possible, so I don’t keep on living you lies and being dragged deeper and deeper into your fake-ideal pond.
I’m scared that I might not know you at all, I might be in love with who you were and who I hope you are, but not with with who you actually are.