I wish I would’ve said something, I wish I could’ve said something. These secrets burned a hole in me, and my actions took away many people I had cared for deeply. I’m not angry with anyone who turned their back on me, I should’ve been honest, but in truth… All of the hurt was lingering in my subconscious, at the time I really had no grasp on what was making me act out. You may have moved on with your life, and I know I need to too, but I can’t, you don’t know how guilty I feel, for all the things I’ve done. I wish more than anything in the world that I could start over, forget all of this, and get another chance. If I just could of stopped it, or even understood, maybe things would be different.
I know you’ll never know what went on back then, even with a line of communication open, I don’t have the guts to complain about something that was my fault. I’m scared of making myself look worse, so it’s for the best that I keep my suffering to myself.
I wish you the best,