A long time ago I told you I was the best. That wasn’t completely true. I’m not the best, far from it. I may not even be the best of the worst as you once joked. I want to be the best, because you really are, and that’s what you deserve. I even think that with you, I really could be the best. Because together, I really believe that anything is possible, for both of us.
I’ve never really gone about trying to win your heart the ‘right way’. You know, accentuate your strengths and deflect from your weaknesses. I don’t buy in to that system. I want you to know me…the real me, everything about me. My flaws are just as much what makes me who I am as the good stuff. I think you always accepted that, even if it took some time, but its hard for me to do that. I see you, and yes I even see your faults, but you are so perfect to me. You are everything I’ve ever wanted, and so much more I didn’t even know I wanted until I met you. Its really hard for me to accept that someone so wonderful loves me when I have so much trouble loving myself. I don’t know why, but prolonged happiness has always been so elusive for me. That is, except for when we are together. I’ve never know such happiness, such a feeling of just being complete.
Of course, there’s more to the story than that. You lied to me. At least I really hope you did, as strange as that would ordinarily sound. I think I understand why, and I’m not upset, I get it. But I want you to know, in the future, if we have a future, you never have to lie to me to get what you want. You just have to ask.
I want to be with you. That’s really all I want in life. You make me so happy, and not being with you makes me miserable. I don’t know why its taken so long. I love you, and part of me really believes you do too, even after all this time. I feel like you want it to be perfect, us coming together. I’m sorry, but I don’t think its gonna happen like that. It will likely be awkward, not like how it goes in the movies. I think you’ve been waiting for a long time for me to just show up and tell you I love you. But I don’t want that, I never really have. It doesn’t mean I love you any less. But I don’t want to feel like I’m being coerced into saying it. I don’t want to make a big show in front of a lot of people. I want it to be really special, just you and me, when it’s right for both of us. I want to get to know you better. I wanna spend time with you first. I don’t want to rush things with you, I want to take it slow and know that were not skipping any steps, because I think our relationship would benefit in the long run for it.
At this point, there’s not really anything I feel I can do. I’ve tried to be with you but nothing I’ve ever done has worked. Its up to you now. I just wanna talk, catch up, find out how your life has been over the last year. Maybe then we could start spending some time together, get to know each other on a deeper level. I think we both already understand each other on that level, but I don’t think we really ‘know’ each other if that makes any sense. Please, come back into my life. It doesn’t matter to me how that happens. I’m not mad at you. I’m not going to hurt you. I just miss you so much.
Don’t give up on me babe, there’s still a future out there for us if you want it. I’ll wait as long as you need to be ready.