My Beloved Furry Friend,
I miss you with all my heart, feeling empty with that atrocious thought of not seeing you ever again ! My love for you is greater then that expanding picture of the tops of the snowy, mountains that I see everyday climbing up the stairs at my literally “L” shaped terrace! Looking over painted picture lighting up a cigarette I wish to tell you how much I wish to have you run in my arms and spin around me “lizing” my naked legs with that smell of grotesque, and just laying down by my side, so I could feel content with your bubbly presence! Oh! Please come to me and never leave cuz of how lonely I’m you cannot even imagine. Although your smartness is the highest, the case is of a greater and more complicated matter ! So listen my dearest furry friend to the pity sound as I cry the loudest tears, howling in that desolated little space!!!
And that’s the day! Precious “New”, escalating in an eye of an evil core, vigorously seeping on a cup of already cooled down pretty nasty, not tasty tea. Verde tea ! Sloppy prepared,quickly poured over a cheap bag, filled with its quintessence hanging on a string in a see through glass making it look so muddy and unclear, killed with an overload of brown sweetness for a taste!!! Oh what a glorious day or I should call that day “floridious”, since it’s been bringing me a memory of one!!! Cramping on Alladyn’s blue bargain hairy carpet from Chinese market, which will leave a layer of its touch, of that fuzzy coat, hugging a portable heater so the body can keep going on at least minimum acceptable temperature ! So it’s sky high prompting through the blue memory cloud, sentencing evolutionary day on the fuck you verdict! Does it really surprise me?! No , I guess not at all . Seems like one of nicer shit thrown in my mug through recent years ! It definitely puts me face down but I was expecting it ! So how does that makes me feel ? Ummm…”wonderful” crunching on a Nordic tile freezing my butt off, but bravely bonding beyond best of it’s words ! It’s really ok to leave, after being left out.I mean for me of course ,I can feel dramatically irritated after that vivid statement :”oh let’s go for a moment ” …turned to be the longest hour of them all celebrating the new beginnings on my own, trying to take a control over the spasming breaths, speeding pulse radically disallow resistance of continuous restlessness and wanting to again grasp into the clue of Hell no!!! Is this the way to nurture New Years life together?! Alone ?! Shutting the door with a noise of an exploding bomb, rather trying to relieve the maddens with it, than hoping anyone could hear it’s sound …when no one’s already there, when everyone’s gone, falsely smiling and laughing. Marching, fighting the icy cold ,shivering and nervously pooling bunch of jingling keys out of the pocket and rushing like a rocket through the floors to reach to my comfort zone….And yet it all proved that the night was long, long enough and haven’t ended yet before the day has approached shooting warm rays through the big,rounded window, just above the tub filling room with its brightness, very poorly sealed blowing chilling breeze through its tiny holes, and it’s all been nothing but a pain for my puffy, bloodshot eyes! Nothing at all ! Still alone!!!
Thinking of another way to ease this mind frizz but still deliberating if it’s worth the onset ! Actually that situation definitely needs a different action in its matter ! Carelessness is the middle name of please find me Alzheimer ! Please invade this all with amnesia and send me back in this crucial time to the hills of happiness covered with the greenest green grass, diving deep in a daisy field,rolling down the rise!!! Oh Fun!! Unstoppable and free ! Yay ! What a luxurious day for the spirit to play !
Buttttt buttt butt …but ! Reality Oh Reality, I ask you to please go and fuck yourself for instant !!!
How sweet that sounds to my ears ? Can I still hear thou ? Can I still see ? Me … Myself ?! Oh no, I know that is just the hard shell cover of what there sits inside willing to get out! Will ever whoever recall this weeping breaking sound?! never ! Its never gone,with a disappointment note from that one song sang during repetitive internal drying out !
Do I think it’s funny ,well how can I…not ?! But really how can I ?!!! I love New Years lonely tear chocking amusement, being surrounded by used tissues covering the floor like white little crumbled sheep ! It’s so vivid and dramatic, but at the same time, full of life blooming with such a trashy intense emotions, feeling of the thickness of this ruby flow in my veins!! I’ll call it Oscar winning drama!! Announcing anger play being revealed ! And yes it’s here! And here it comes!!! And here HE is and here HE comes, like a furious beast crashing through the locked wooden door! Raging savage with a glowing lunacy alert beaming at my tangled existence with his heavy filthy arms…Like a hungry vulture craving meaty, bloody aroma, throwing its claws over the pray, grabbing it and ripping it apart!!! And that’s how it goes!!!
Cunt and worst than a cunt that is the sing along slap me song , pull my hair I’ll never care how much you dare to put me there ! Rolling in a tub , flying over like a powerless dummy doll, listening to the sound of the ripping bottoms, covering my face from those violent waving hands, and unable to fight them back when those just trying to make a permanent mark while striking me back and forth!!! Hearing spiteful frightful phrase piercing through my soul!!!
Even dirty cloth has a purpose and you, you are just nobody, a shit spreading around !!!
The deep dark, pitched black pencil with its fatalistic touch made an unforgettable illustration on its own! And it will never to be erased !!! Memorable!!!! Forever with me!!!!