• Marry you ? But where’s the ring?

    by  • June 25, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, Breaking Up • 5 Comments

    You asked me to marry me. But there was no ring.
    That was over two years ago. I hesitated then, because I barely knew you and my heart had just recently suffered a nasty blow. “I don’t have time for a fling.” I said, “I am looking for marriage. I don’t have the time to get my heart broken again.”

    “I want you to marry me, but you have to give me time.” you said. “I need two years to be somebody before I can approach your family and ask for your hand.”

    Still tending a broken heart, I took my time, not knowing if you were being serious. “What if your dad doesn’t agree?” I asked.
    “Don’t worry.” you said, “I will convince him.”

    I took my time to think about it, while you courted me each day and did everything under the sun to woo me. “I’ll never hurt you.” you said, “I’ll never make you cry, I promise.”
    And I believed it. And I agreed. And I gave you my already fragile heart.

    The first few months were blissful and I couldn’t believe that I met someone who made me feel so beautiful. I loved talking to you, spending time with you and I did everything in my power to get that time and to make sure I stayed on in the same city. I even got the chance to go back to my home town. I declined to stay with you. A while later, I got the chance to fly overseas for a year for work. And I turned down that too, knowing that I didn’t want to put distance between us so early into the relationship. Months passed by swiftly and I really believed this was it. I put my heart into every gift that I ever gave you, planning months in advance to make sure everything worked out perfectly.

    Somehow after all the effort that I put into doing something for you, I didn’t always feel that appreciated but I continued to do my best. Surely, something had to blow you over and show you how much I cared for us and how much I was willing to do.

    You were never the type to try and spend every chance you got with me. You had your work and your friends and your movies to watch. It was around that time that I started feeling a bit neglected.
    “But you are my top priority.” you said. And as usual, sweet talked me into believing everything was ok.
    Time went on and when this problem propped up again, you said, “It’s just that I see you everyday. Maybe if you were somewhere else I would want to spend more time with you. There would be the thrill of seeing you after a while.”
    I didn’t understand how that worked because for me, Love meant being with you every chance I got, not maintaining distance to miss you more.

    I tried making plans with you to travel but you always made excuses telling you were planning it with your friends. I wondered if you were really serious and as always, you told me you were. New years came close and I made plans with you. We were supposed to go together and have a wonderful time. It was going to be our first new years together. I cancelled plans to go back home or to go with my friends but a day before new years eve, you call and tell me that it’s going to be only you and your guy friends and you don’t want to take only one girl.
    “It won’t be safe.” you said.
    And I had to agree. I spent new years all alone in my empty house away from friends and away from everyone. Yes you called but I was in tears, feeling so lonely hearing cries of new years from outside my house. The whole day next day you were busy asleep, totally hung over to even come and see me. Finally you came at the end of the night for a quick sorry, hello, happy new year, I have to go drop my friends at the airport.

    I let it go. There was always next year.

    Valentines was close by and I started making that card, weeks in advance, because it was such a big card. This was going to be special I thought. Until the day came and when I asked you out for lunch, you told me you were already going with all your office friends.
    “It’s valentines day!” I argued. “It’s supposed to be ours.”
    “Come on, we are doing dinner.” you said ” Don’t make a fuss. Sorry”

    And I was upset, but we went out for dinner, a very small affair. Because you were in a hurry to get back to your place. You gave me my card after midnight had passed, after writing in it right behind my back. I still cherished it with all my heart. I knew You were never a planner. Last minute work was always your thing. So it was alright.

    A year passed by and I decided it was time to continue my studies again. You weren’t really interested in which college I got into. You didn’t say much.
    But you told you supported me and wished me luck. The day I had to leave, I made a quick two hour detour to your place to surprise you when you woke up to tell you goodbye. You were so happy to see me and then I cried, wondering if we would get out of this together. You assured me that we would make things work and you would always be there for me.

    There I was in the airport, nervous and afraid. I didn’t know if we would survive the distance because you were never a person who liked to text. I called you up while I was waiting to board till you hung up saying you had something to do and didn’t call back for two hours until my flight had already taken off.

    I was upset throughout the flight but I pushed it aside and texted you when you landed. “Sorry.” you said.
    I said, alright.

    You promised me you would make up for everything and make it all alright. The next year was difficult being countries apart. But somehow, we pushed on. Even with distance, I planned out surprises, even flew down for your birthday, a big surprise. We had many fights, all about the same thing, you being too busy and not giving me much time.
    “But I skype everyday.” you argued
    “But you seem to do it like a duty. Just to get it over with before you run off to be with your friends.” I reasoned.
    “I’m sorry, I will make it up to you.” you said.

    Every decision I made, I kept you in mind, making sure things always worked out in our favour. I couldn’t wait for the distance to end and to spend all my time with you. Then you decided you also wanted to study and soon became busy with that, your newest excuse. Exams after exams, the excuses kept coming. And finally it was about being too busy with family.

    Then I flew down again, only to find out that you were flying away on a trip with your friends. It’s just a coincidence, I kept reasoning with myself. You wouldn’t hurt me on purpose. You loved me too much.

    Two years had passed and it was time to talk about marriage. Our moms met and decided that we would get engaged in six months. My happiness knew no bounds as I finally realised that this was it. Five months passed and you had still not discussed it with your dad and my family started getting worried.

    What if he said no?

    “Don’t worry. I assure you he will not cause a problem.” your mom said. “I will get you two married even if he doesn’t agree.”

    You didn’t get great marks on your entrance and you thought that was it. But you told me that I had waited enough. You had taken enough time and now it was high time that you prioritize me. I was so happy thinking everything was going to work out.

    I picked out my dress, my jewelery and counted the days till things became official. But you still hadn’t told your dad.
    “Wait till my results come” you said. And i waited.

    But results came and this was still uncertain.
    “What if your dad says no?” I asked again
    “Don’t worry, I will convince him.” you said again.

    You kept putting it off with one excuse after the other till I couldn’t do small talk with you anymore. “Atleast tell me when you are going to tell.” I asked.

    “Give me time.” is all that you said.

    I finally landed back home, wondering what was going to happen. Turns out mom and dad had renovated the house keeping our big day in mind. And then you broke the news to your dad and he said no.

    And you asked me to wait till night till you could talk to him on the phone.

    I waited all night, crying myself to sleep, wondering what was going to happen. Your silence scared me, and I feared the worst. Later I found out you were at a farewell party hosted by your friends while I was at home with my heart breaking to pieces. You had decided to tell him personally when you flew back home.

    I met you again before you went off to college. “Why don’t you just trust me?” he asked. “I will make things work.”
    And I believed you.

    And the day came when you flew back home to talk to him. And the whole day there was silence. And again , I waited all night. The next evening you called, making small talk, avoiding this topic altogether.

    “Just tell me what happened.” i asked
    “He said no. I’m sorry. Its not going to work out.” you said

    “So you’re giving up just like that?” I asked ” after making my family wait for six months?”

    “I’m sorry.” you said.

    And that was the final blow to my heart and I literally heard it breaking into a thousand shards. My mom called your mom and she acted like she had never told anything about the wedding, blaming us for not waiting. Me and my family were made out to be fools.

    All it took you was one day. One day to decide that you could live without me. One day to decide that I wasn’t worth fighting for. One day to decide that you wouldn’t keep trying. One day to take back every promise you had made for the last two years. One day to decide that I wasn’t worth the fight. One day to decide you didn’t want to spend your life with me or live the life you supposedly planned for us.
    And you chose to walk away.
    And it was so easy for you.

    You asked me to marry you. But where was the ring?

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    5 Responses to Marry you ? But where’s the ring?

    1. always listen to your gut
      June 25, 2015 at 3:47 pm

      I have been there and know of others who have wasted many more years away believing in their partners promises to no avail. What’s worse is the feeling that you knew something like this might happen but chose to trust and believe otherwise. People like this push commitment aside; put it off until their partner has had enough or heartbreak ensues.

      You are better off. I know this without a doubt. Be with someone who doesn’t need you to be a challenge or play games to desire you or make an effort. This guy is way too immature and not worth your time. Believe it.


    2. Actually, no
      June 26, 2015 at 9:27 am

      the signs were there all along. You just refused to see them. He never intended to marry you from the beginning.
      When a man truly loves a woman he will move heaven and earth to be with her. They don’t need anyone’s approval. Heck! Kings have abdicated thrones for the woman they love.

      Alway, always remember that.


    3. james
      June 26, 2015 at 11:01 am

      ^^^^ Spot on.


    4. bright side
      June 26, 2015 at 4:19 pm

      sweetie, that man was not worth your efforts…trust me, the breaking up was for the better
      you don’t want to be the only one giving, while he keeps taking when he feels like it
      even if it hurts now, it’s going to get better and soon you’ll be happy he is no longer in your life
      until one day you just laugh to yourself – what was i thinking


    5. Broken hearted
      June 28, 2015 at 11:45 am

      “When a man truly loves a woman he will move heaven and earth to be with her. They don’t need anyone’s approval. Heck! Kings have abdicated thrones for the woman they love.

      Always, always remember that”

      ^^ Best thing I’ve heard.
      I’m still coming to terms with what happened. While I have come to understand that this may be better for me since I realized atleast now that he would never support me, it still hurts to know how easy it was him to just walk away from all this. What’s worse was that his mom pretended like she never discussed with us about the wedding. I really cannot fathom how someone can live with themselves if they did this to someone who cared so deeply for them. I know I couldn’t! It just really hurts that he walked away, walked away from all those “I’ll make it right”, “I’ll fix it somehow” and “Trust me!”. The only reason I put up with a lot of things was knowing that the distance was going to end, that we would end up together one day. Now it’s like I put up with all that just to torture myself.



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