• Decisions I Still Call Mistakes When I Tuck Them Into Bed At Night

    by  • June 24, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments


    Of all my past relationships, although few in number, I always find myself lingering on your memory the most. I’m sorry I broke your heart, but I couldn’t live with myself anymore. I couldn’t keep withholding the truth from you. The summer that we were apart I kissed a married man. He was much older than I and I didn’t realize that I was in fact cheating on you until after he kissed me. And in falling for someone I could never have, I corrupted my relationship with you. And it’s not that he kissed me; but rather the fact that I kissed him back. I wanted to in that moment, but I didn’t realize how much that kiss changed me.

    I know you deserve an explanation, you could tell I was lying through my teeth as to the bullshit reason I gave as to why I wanted to break up, but I couldn’t bring myself to break your heart again. I feel so stupid for falling for that ass! I was happy with you, I loved you! But I still made that mistake and it will remain one of my greatest failures as a person. I grew up saying “once a cheater always a cheater” and ever since we broke up every relationship after was doomed to fail from the beginning. I guess I’m just too scared to truly love another as much as I loved you. I fear that you may be the only man I will ever truly love.

    You had your quirks and were pretty controlling at times but I loved you none the less. I still do, love you that is. Just not in the same way anymore (the English language needs more words for love like the Greeks)

    I don’t know what else to say other than I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry Evan.

    I’ll be seeing you,

    P.S. I wonder if you keep our memories in a box under your bed like I do

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