by  • June 24, 2015 • To You • 1 Comment

    Hello Top. I want to write you so you could know how deep you let me fall and then decided not to catch me. I could write these words over and over but then again nothing will really change. Cause the game’s over, thank you for playing but good things must come to an end. I really want to scream at the top of my lungs and let the world know how much pain you’ve caused me. But nah, the world still got 99 problems and mine aint one. I care about US, I do care about US, but you don’t as much as I do. We created an imbalance situation, a not so 90-degree-angle, a not so perfect scenario cause we were in a seesaw while I’m a 1 kilo cotton and you’re a 1 gram cotton and given a jigsaw puzzle that lacks part, solution? Nah you are the mathematician, but sometimes the result can also be an error right? I guess US ended up that way. Expect this letter to be a massive gunshot to your body cause right now the fault is not in our stars but the fault is in my cold heart. Im so hurt to the point that I wanna kill you through every possible words that I can say in this letter. Like seriously, I know you’re hurt too because of what you heard but can’t you at least believe me? Can you not be an asshole? Gosh I wanna punch you in the face and kick your balls so bad! How dare you dumbass? How dare you leave me? Uhm how dare I for being mad af like we are in a relationship or something?! But still, how dare you for making me believe on your stupid promises? How dare you for hurting my feelings?! Maybe you’re in the state of idiocy that time when you “texted” me those hurtful words. Partida man ghapon ni na letter cause ofc sa akong self jud ko magkampi. And I don’t care and don’t give a fuck cause I’m mad and hurt, it’s like im being thrown in a fight with Undertaker in hell in a cell you know? And hoping that John Cena would save me but Brock Lesnar knocked his ass off! No hope at all! You broke me through the best way you could and congrats! I will never be the same again fvck you! 5 missed calls for 4 words, 1:39 pm oh well aint it ironic how you love numbers? Why would I be even surprise right? “ATO NANG UNDANGON NI.” So easy for you to say huh? Tang na juice! You are so unfair! I can’t even say those words to you kahit our situation is complicated and sige tag away and you keep on freaking smoking!!! Noon, question mark paman ang end karon kay period najud. Naks commander-in-chief! Na promote na diay ka sa serbisyo? I hope I can fire you and directly burn you. And crap! Adik nakog fliptop, naggagamit nakog bars and multis! The very last thing that I wanted you to say were those words bt nah tungod kay Kuya Maia? Kay nag uban mi? Nagsakay mig sikad? Giatngan ko niyas terminal? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Animal! Did we? Just so you know, we never did and it’s never easy to reject someone when all he wanted to do was to be with you and lend you food. I reject Kuya Maia every time and I feel sorry for the good guy. And now this? How much torture could this be? Are you freaking kidding me? Whoever said that, I’ll just pray for his soul and hope that God will bless him with intelligence. After all, you’re just an innocent boy who’s open for any accusations. I’m more upset than ever. Gosh I’m so bad right now.
    Heartbreak? Kita na ba ang nakatakda sa aklat ng sibika nga naa ray forever? Edi wow. Always nlang? Infinity and beyond ang among peg pirmi? Bt why di man ko masanay sa sakit? Why it still hurts as hell? Christoff, you can never understand how much everything is affecting me right now. It’s like tomorrow is another day and I don’t know how to live akong drama. Nganong US against the world man jud? Or me against myself lang ni kay niasa ko na you’ll fight and be with me til the very end? Sorry ha. Maybe the odds were never in our favor. It’s like yesterday we’re still exchanging Iloveyous ba then karon boom! What now? Diri raman diay ghapon ta mag end sa “trust” and “doubt”. You started everything! Tinaas mo ko eh, ang sakit maiwan sa ere naks Kathryn be like. Pero sana hindi mo nalang sinimulan kung hindi mo kayang tapusin char napud. Btaw you changed. A lot. You were not like this noon. Di ka man masyadong dry noon. I feel like disturbo nalang ko or kung bored, you’ll text or call me nalang para naa kay mabuhat. The efforts are gone najud. Saying Iloveyou aint always enough Christopher. I need that effort nga landinganan sa airplane tikra hahaha. Sometimes, I start to wonder what happened to Kuya Christoff, that cheeky sweet abnormal immature Christoff, please don’t kill him.
    Looking back at everything I have typed in this letter, I regretted as soon as I started reading, sorry for saying those mean words to you, you don’t deserve those. You are a piece of me, and that piece will not eat away at my soul like hatred would. It will live inside of me in a place that is preserved by forgiveness and love. I’m so stupid, I was just upset. Saying I love you is like eating my own words in this letter and betraying my own feelings but nah. I love you so much. I don’t know how much love I’m keeping right now but I just love you and sorry I feel like everything’s my fault right now, I’m not good enough for you and never nako napantayan ang affection na imong ginashow cause I’m arte. OA pajud ko mag react and mag overthink. Im so sorry I love you. I’m a shitty writer kay di nako ma synchronize akong thoughts. Shitty? Otso, nwebe, dyes? Lul atik ra. Love you always

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    1. Im sorry
      October 20, 2016 at 3:49 pm

      So sorry.



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