• Alone

    by  • June 22, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, Trust • 2 Comments

    I’m battling with feeling alone.
    It has been so heartbreaking to clear schedules to help people I care about in their time of need, but now that I need them, struggling on my own, they’re unavailable.
    The last time anyone did anything thoughtful for me, was a few weeks ago when I purchased fuel a few weeks ago. I didn’t realise the attendant had gone, so when I’d filled the tank I waited until he came back. I didn’t complain, I figured it was a desperate bathroom dash, and chatted with him as I usually did when he came back. He thanked me for waiting graciously, told me he had indeed really needed a bathroom break, and gave me the fuel discount even without my having a coupon, just for showing him some compassion.
    Of course I told him that wasn’t necessary but thanked him for his generosity. I was touched by the gesture… And also sad that some people must have been so caught up in their own lives they couldn’t allow and forgive a sudden bathroom break for an uncomfortable attendant, in order for him to give me a discount.
    How sad it is, that I’m told by people that I’m a welcome change from the lack of care and consideration and reliability in the population, by the very same people who are that problem?
    Sometimes I think I would be better off hardening my heart and becoming a really selfish twat. But that wouldn’t make me any happier…
    I find it very difficult to trust and rely on people now.

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    2 Responses to Alone

    1. hardened heart
      June 23, 2015 at 1:01 pm

      You are such a saint. I too am ALWAYS kind to anyone who waits on or helps me in public. It is just the way to be! After all you never know what someone else is going through in life. It is possible that what they are dealing with is even more ” heartbreaking” than you could ever realize.. I seem to attract passive/ aggressive people in my life and your second sentence sounds exactly like something one of them would say! They would feel the way you did and tell everyone around them how ” helpful” they are to everyone else, without actually communicating that to the one they are trashing! This might not be the case in your situation, and forgive the assumption on my part if it isn’t… I guess the way you put it just reminds me of too many people in my life who obviously don’t appreciate me, or view me as only another a place to dump their feelings. I have come to realize that there is NO WAY to please this kind of person, you can’t be there or give enough, and nothing you have said matters! Real friends don’t hold unspoken slights against you!! I hope you actually communicate with those you ” care about” and let them know how much you need them and how they can help you. I have decided that I will no longer accept passive/ aggressive shitty behavior from anyone. Even if they say I am their only friend!!!


    2. Author
      June 24, 2015 at 2:49 am

      I’m sorry to hear you also seem to have unappreciating people in your life. In my case, I have been told directly by the very people who forever ask favours of me that I need to stand on my own two feet and not “impose” myself on people. That I need to be aware that everyone is struggling with their own issues. How ironic, they never consider that maybe I am put out, and I’ve only asked for an ear once! No use trying to tell them about it, they’ve made it clear that the support I rarely need isn’t to be found with them. And so I vent here about it…



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