• Why why why did I say it?

    by  • June 16, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, Embarrassment • 5 Comments

    Omg omg why why why did I do it? Why the hell did I tell you I love you, what a complete and utter idiot. Yet again too much booze led to me making a complete prat of myself and probably sending you as far away as you can possibly get :((( I’m so low I feel like crying all the time. I woke up yesterday feeling absolute shit, with an awful hangover and that painful panic and realisation of what I’d done. Every time I think about it I get the same feeling. I always dreamed that one day you would say it to me, that deep down you did actually love me even though you had never said it. I never EVER planned to say it to you … and what’s happened now? Total silence from you. I wish I could take it back but I can’t, I guess this is it now. But I’m stopping drinking (again … though I’m determined to see it through this time instead of weakening and starting again).
    Well there it is … I do love you, I love you a lot and I wish we could be together properly and permanently. Clearly you don’t feel the same and that’s never going to happen. I can’t bring myself to contact you again, so if you want no more contact it will be made very easy for you. At least this way I can start to try to get over it … though I don’t know how I will ever do that :(((

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    5 Responses to Why why why did I say it?

    1. don't punish yourself
      June 16, 2015 at 3:29 pm

      I can feel with you. I know, because I did that too, kind of. What you are going through is truly awful.

      There is nothing wrong with you. Don’t punish yourself for having feelings. Be proud of yourself. Not everyone has your courage. You don’t have to be embarrassed.

      It is them. Not you.


    2. Anon
      June 17, 2015 at 4:36 pm

      I can’t beleive how much this letter reminds me of myself a few months back even down to the drinking …I had to re read it a few times to make sure it wasn’t actually me that had written it and it had been reposted …I feel what you are going through be strong they say the truth cones out when u are drunk and it just so happens to sometimes spill out our feelings and we regret it the next day but don’t because it would have come out at some point if they hadn’t already noticed you love them ..


    3. @ don't punish yourself
      June 18, 2015 at 5:23 am

      Thanks so much for commenting, your words made me feel better. Amazing how a stranger can feel able to comment on something with kind words but somebody I love and actually thought loved me can’t even be bothered to make contact … he’s known me for years and I’m sure he will know deep down how much I’m hurting. Brings it home to me where I rank with him in the scheme of things. Thanks again for your comment.


    4. don't punish yourself
      June 18, 2015 at 2:17 pm

      Oh, thank you too. It feels good to hear that.

      You made a statement that turned “what if” into “yes it is”. Maybe that’s what scares him. It does not automatically mean that there is nothing from his side.

      Give him time to process and relax. Whatever the result will be… It was not wrong to say what you feel.


    5. hollowman
      June 18, 2015 at 4:29 pm

      I was there, but not drunk, a building of the feelings and desperation borne of fear i never would have the chance. In hindsight, better to love and be in their life with them oblivious. If you truly do, then contact them, act like nothing is amiss, if they are offish, then ask, if they say, then say, well 1. Id have thought we were better friends than let that affect us, but 2. Are you not a little big headed, helloooo i was drunk, i am surprised i didnt say that to my damn dog (cat, whatever)
      Then just build the relationship (maybe just contact will do it they will give you a drunk pass.
      And then play the slow game, find their likes, find the attractions in a partner and work it, take time, all the time it needs. Never rush and one day you may find the dream is real

      Ironic that you from your comment appear to be a woman, yet rarely do they do this, if you’re not a woman, then i dont know, maybe he is afraid to be open about how he feels?



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