I miss my friend. He was stolen from me.
She was able to take him places that I never could. She made him happy; Honestly, it’s was the happiest I’ve ever seen him. He would sneak off in the night because he didn’t want me to know where he was or what he was doing because I didn’t approve, but I always knew he was with her. It was the white elephant in the room and he would deny her existence. He was living with me and I was falling in love with him. I did everything I could to show him he deserved better. We would spend countless hours talking about her and he would make up his mind to end it but then he would alwaysss go back and he would always chose her over me. I allowed it. I loved him. Second best was better than nothing at all. He would always bring her around and I didn’t do anything about it. I let it happen and I eventually just kept silent. I didn’t know what to do. Any sane person would give an ultimatum but I didn’t. I let him do his own thing.
She turned him into a liar and thief. He would steal from me just to be with her. She was expensive and he needed to be able to keep up with her. I knew in my heart what was happening but he would deny her existence to my face. She would make him sick all time and one time she nearly killed him. He ended up in the hospital. He promised he would stop with his foolish behavior but he was lying to himself and to me. He loved the feeling he got from her and no matter how much she battered and bruised his self esteem and his beautiful soul, he always went back.
Her name was Heroin.
I miss my friend.
I can’t tell you how good it is to hear from you. I’m so sorry you’ve been in so much pain. Last summer was amazing with you. We talked of vacations together and had late night conversations under the stars. We would take random road trips and binge watch True Blood until we couldn’t keep our eyes open. It was the best summer of my life. I learned a lot about life and love from you.
Your mom tells me that you struggled a lot last year after you moved out from my apartment. I met her for wine and cheese last night. She told me that the heroin addiction got so bad that you were homeless sleeping on a park bench this past winter. It’s so crazy to think that just a few months before that we were both falling in love with summer while I was falling in love with you. I tried to reach out to you so many times and everything always went answered. It was a really painful time and I didn’t know if you were dead or alive.
I had to move on. You weren’t responding to my phone calls or texts, and I was heartbroken. I missed you every second of every day. You were always in the back of my mind. I prayed for you constantly.
You just reached out to me after months of silence and I can’t tell you how incredibly happy and scared I was to hear from you. I’m so happy you checked yourself into rehab voluntarily and I’m so happy that you are seeking help for your addiction. I’m scared because I can’t let the you when you were on drugs back into my life again. You are only two weeks sober and detoxing from something that kills people.
I want to spill my heart to you and just tell you how much I’ve fucking missed you and how hard it was when you left, but you’re still too fragile and not ready to hear it. Oh M. I would give anything to relive those sweet summer nights with you again.
I can’t wait to see your beautiful face and just be in your arms. I love you always.
Your Slore <3