This is an expedition I have wished to have ever since I started reading fictitious books and fantasy novels. Such a vast land God blessed us with on this planet. Rumor has it that aliens exist in other planets far where we cannot reach. To hell with conspiracies because I don’t care. Right now all I care to know is all that there is to explore in the land of my reach. This is a secret expedition that I and only I should be accessible to. In the first place, I don’t know what motivates me to write this brief motivational statement that reveals my secret fantasies wishes and expectations. Is it because im angry, hungry, fearful, disappointed, ashamed, or merely excited. All in all, I hope nobody finds it worthy except me. Well I hope nobody finds it at all.
My current status as best as I can describe it is pathetic. I am 5.6 ft fella, dark in complexion originally from the Luo community of Kenya. The exact month is June 2015 and I’m living my 25th year on earth. My biggest blessing so far is that God has provided me with two living parents who care, an elder brother whose personality is hard to understand and four younger sisters who respect me so much. What more can I expect from the Almighty. Some people find my lisping accent funny and especially when I speak the letter s but I have lived to accept myself. Did I say I grown beards too?
My intelligence is a bit overrated but of course I’m very intelligent. Let me just say, God endows us differently. While He could not give me the physical strength to fight bullies at school, He made me untouchable by giving me my own distinct intelligence. Despite my small size at school, I was greatly respected because I was exceptionally smart in class. Joining college gave me the opportunity to transition from the village setting to the city life.
Primitivity goes brain-deep if exposure is limited. College in Nairobi gave me the exposure to harden-up and even explore the fantasy world I mentioned earlier. The problem is that I still want more and more… As I write this line, Ed sheeran’s song Small Bump sings in the background. In college, my circle of friends looked to me because my academic opinions counted most. Every relationship has two sides of mutual benefits. Tagging myself along with this group of city friends enabled me to canvas my shyness especially because i greatly admired the city girls this elite group gave me the privilege to get along with city girls. Confidence can be so blinding. I was blind enough to see myself living big in the society once I had proved my ability to pass academic exams. Ah that’s the song Hello by Evanescence in the background. I must admit that music has also elevated my desire to pursue this fantasy expedition.
I must have mentioned earlier how shy I am. It doesn’t in anyway mean that I have never suffered heartbreaks in boy-girl relationships. I have been part of the game too. Specifically, I have loved only two in my lifetime. I won’t say much about this. Perhaps it’s my fantasy that motivates me to seek more and more of love and the same reason I am on this expedition. I’m so gifted at making friends. Perhaps keeping friends is the challenge that I have to deal with. My reserve is so filled that I forget friends as soon as physical distance separates us. My hospitable and tolerant personality always keeps friends calling back and not me calling them back. People say that I am a man born with the heart of a gentle woman. My greatest weakness is that I trust easily and I greatly subscribe to honesty. I’m probably a “people’s favorite” because I give them the chance to take advantage and get away with it. Not so many people have the patience to listen to Enya’s song Smaointe playing on the background.
I have wondered what has become of man and the obsession of money. So much value has been placed on paper that human life goes for less. One of the reasons I sat down to think and write about this expedition is because of unseen forces demanding me to have money but I have none of it. I don’t have it for the same reasons that someone has abundant of it. The selfishness that drives one man to amass much money for himself and leave others with hardly any. There’s hardly any community of humanity left. What’s left is a community of survivors. I don’t want to be a part of this but I’m definitely getting euphoric when I think that I have to put a shelter for my parents at home, provide food, make a decent shelter and raise a family of my own. Three to four years, my talented and brilliant self has not had a paying occupation. Its no offense that distinguished minds like mine always thinks that others do not march our intelligence. We are always eager to offer counsel and workable advice once we are provoked by a problem because finding a way out of the maze sound a lot of fun. The fun is lost when good solutions are tied to monetary benefits. God programmed man with a brain, but somewhere along the line one man learnt to programme a generation of men on mere paper. I clearly understand the reasons I have decided to take this expedition. I am motivated by curiosity, desire and disappointment.
This could be the result of result of watching fantasy movies like game of thrones, reading novels and studying the human behavior. Desires have become distinct; the reason for my expedition. The only place I wish to live is somewhere across or in the midst of the Ocean you name it. The only work I want to do is something worthy of interest to motivate me from my bed early in the morning. The only religion I want to believe in is doing good, achieving abundance for all and not the conventional discipline that man has been coerced into. The woman I desire for a wife is not of my race. The career I desire is no longer the one I studied. The food I was raised on is barely all I want to eat till old age. Imagination can be such a destructive tool if badly used. But after I realized that life is oneway road where turning back is no option.
I decided to try this expedition. Penniless or not I’m out to get the fair-haired, intelligent, motivated, open minded wife and hardworking wife to complement the jigsaw puzzle in my head. The pursuit of a peaceful life not marred by fear of losing or going after that horrible and cursed paper. Achieve the position of an overseer who wakes up everyday to make the lives of the unprivileged children, disabled, sick and widowed persons worthwhile. Create a homely shelter where such minority find humane community and people can exchange freely without suspicion. In my silent behavior of studying human character, I more than often concluded that the only thing standing between the needy and the giver is not hatred, or greed but mere suspicion.
I have lived in fear and look at what that has robbed me. The fear of my father’s whipping when I was young, the fear of getting suspended in high school and disappointing my parents, the fear of being judged for failing to have a job and most recently the fear of getting evicted by my landlord. I have now decided to unlearn fear because it has made life miserable. As a matter of fact, I don’t understand why there are boundaries to stop me from visiting another country. The only barrier I believe should exist is the vast ocean from one continent and another. Only selfishness can be attributed to this state of conservativeness. My desire to see the whole world, if I wish, will not be limited by such imaginary boundaries. Wings were not made to man but if man desires to experience flight then he should be free to. I am unquestionably the man with most of vivid imaginations but the joy is in fulfilling part or whole of my desires. If I want to have interracial marriage so I will go after it. If I want to use my poetry, music, accounting, photography, creative ideologies and etc skills to advance life then so be it. I am optimistic that one way or the other a pathway shall explicitly reveal itself.
I have never experienced traintravel and that’s how I will start that special voyage to the ocean beaches. I have never been on a boat and what an experience when I visit Lamu Island and other unmentioned lands. Hoping that somewhere along the way I come across a clue. I will have to look out for people, places and what-else is there to see. There are only four letters of this kind. Two written in English others in french. Two will wander in the ocean and two will be somewhere in the internet. I’m just a man not in search of perfection; but a desire to settle my startling emotions. This is by no means suicide but its somewhat a suicide mission. You may have a clue for me or perhaps you are the clue. While my intention is to remain anonymous, the one clue to find me back is to search the word (centa***). The asterisks (*)are simply my country code numbers which will be fun for you to find. Good luck with that. This is a lifetime voyage. Perhaps one time I will reminisce in my old age and smile that I earned a wife, child, home, work, personality, plus the wildest of memories from it.