As a kid you did many things for me. I remember how you would tuck me into bed every single night until at least middle school. When I was still little you would sing rockaby baby to help me all asleep. You were the one to paint my nails when I was too young to do it myself. When it came time to drive, you taught me maneuverability and helped me get a perfect score on my driving test. You were the most amazing chef and would cook for our family and my friends all the time. It seemed like you enjoyed trying new recipes and hosting 11 mile day breakfast. We would go on special walks on every vacation when we were young. I loved waking up and cuddling with you on the couch while you read the paper on Sunday’s. You were the person I would go to for comfort when something or somebody made me cry, but what’s sad is that now you are the reason for most of my tears.
All of those good memories were from back before you changed into a different person. What you have to understand is that I am in a process of mourning that person that I can no longer consider “mine.” That guy who was “my dad,” that person who raised me, that person who I knew and loved as I was growing up is no longer a part of my life. Yes dad, I get that you say you “weren’t happy” with your life and you needed to get out, and I also get that you not being happy doesn’t have anything to do with me. I do think that it doesn’t have everything to do with mom like you like to claim it does though. As much as you might not want to hear it or claim that I don’t know anything because I am so young, I really think something more changed in you dad. I’m not sure if it is a chemical imbalance in your brain or a god awful far too drawn out midlife crisis, but whatever it was that made you feel unhappy is something more than you can explain. You are not the same person who raised me all those years.
When this situation first started I went through a phase of really hating and resenting you for what you are doing. I HATED what you were doing to mom and how it was affecting this family. I was way more involved than I wanted to be and had way more information than I could have ever wanted (believe me, I have expressed this and no longer am told things anymore because it is too much for me to handle emotionally). Then I started to think, “you know what, dad deserves to be happy. It might take a lot of time, but maybe we might all get through this and be okay eventually. We will all be happy again but in different ways.” I thought this for a little bit, but then I saw you and that bitch that I will never address by name driving past in a car one day and I started hearing people say that they are seeing you out in public with another woman. Having to hear that from my friends and their families is just painful. Then I thought “you know what, you don’t even deserve happiness. Not after the hell you have put this family through. The only person you were thinking of when you went out and selfishly cheated on mom with was yourself. You are selfish and I honestly don’t care if I don’t have contact with you ever again.” Yes dad, that is how I feel. If things would have happened in a different order. If you wouldn’t have selfishly pursued another relationship before you addressed your 30 year one, maybe I would have found a way to forgive you.
But I won’t be able to forgive you dad. Ever. I don’t care if in your head one day I will just brush off everything that happened. I won’t because I don’t think you know what it feels like to have to see mom go through this. Do you even care? I doubt it. The woman that you loved for 30 years not only looks weak on the outside but everything you have done has broken her down so much. She tries to stay strong for Morgan and I but I can just see in her eyes how much she is hurting. The burden I feel from seeing her this way literally eats away at me everyday. Im worried for her health and her well being. Thins that you obviously don’t care about. This would’ve never happened if it weren’t for your selfish quest for “happiness.” Yes I’ve talked to a counselor at school. It’s helped a little I guess.
I’m not sure if you even read this whole thing or not. I guess if you’re this far that means that you did. I don’t really have any expectations of how you will respond to this/ if you will make any changes in our relationship. I half expect you to throw it away because it seems like that’s how little you care lately. One thing, if you were thinking about letting your whore of a girlfriend read this to show how awful I’m being by saying these things to you, please do. She needs to know that her and you together have caused all of this damage. I’m not going to say that you two ruined my life with the decisions you made, because that is a little extreme, but you ruined relationships that will never be restored. I am doing pretty well without you now dad. It took a while but I realize that it’s best not to have your lying cheating influence in my life. I hope you enjoyed your Father’s Day spending time with the person who is obviously more important than your relationship with your children. It better be worth it, that’s all I’m going to say. Sorry to be harsh, but I do not respect you anymore after what you did and it hurts me that you continue to make decisions jeopardizing your relationship with the two people who are supposed to be most precious to you in your whole entire life, your daughters.