• An Open Letter to the Boy I’m Letting Go

    by  • June 11, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    Hey, I guess. It has been a real bumpy ride since one year ago. I can’t believe so much has happened and I can’t believe I still have such strong feelings for you. From both deciding that we aren’t ready for a relationship, to being total ass holes to each other while we were apart, to not speaking for 3 months straight because you and your best friend being in competition, to, finally, the conversation we had a couple days ago. You lied straight to my face multiple times, but also opened my eyes to certain things about myself that I do really need to change. You said you’re over me but still like me and will always like me, but I’m the one playing games with your heart. I have to leave you behind because I’m the one playing games with your heart, but every time I talk to you, you tell me to wait for you because soon it will be time to be together because that’s what is supposed to happen. I can’t sit here and make a fool of myself telling you I have so much love for you when every time I say something, it’s the wrong time, but you get mad when you say something and it just isn’t the right time for me. I don’t know if I can be in a relationship right now. I know with other guys I can’t, but with you, maybe it’s different because you’re the first person I have actually wanted to try with in a very long time. Personally, I think dating in college is stupid unless you find that one right person, but I need to search for that and then maybe one day I’ll come back to you. I need to move on so I don’t continue to hate myself for drunkenly texting you telling you how much you mean to me when I get nothing in return. I’m not moving on so you can get over me, I’m moving on for myself. I don’t want you to hold me back anymore. I’m not interested in playing your games anymore. You tell me you’re over me but you say so many conflicting things. I’m not over you, I may never get over you, but for now, I’m going to try. Maybe one day I’ll run into you on the street, maybe one day we’ll realize what we both want, but I think we’re in two separate places and just got no closure between the two of us that this is going to continue on until one of us puts a complete stop to it. I think it has to be this time. I haven’t cried over this yet, and it’s either because I know it’s the right thing to do, or because this is my first realization of what I need to do that I’m still in shock. I’m tired of your friends judging me because apparently you tell your best friends, who are girls, everything about me. I don’t feel like being judged and harassed over things that should be kept private. I’m a girl and I managed to do that even though all other stereotypes would say otherwise, so I don’t understand why you couldn’t live up to your half of the stereotype and just keep this between us for once. There are way too many people involved for this to actually work at all, and I want no part in that. None of my friends know how deeply I care about you, they don’t really know anything about you or us because I don’t share that part of my life with them. It’s so hard to think of the good that can come from us being together, and there’s no use in waiting anymore. Life’s too short to wait. I need to be finding myself and learning about the world and meeting different people everywhere I go. I can’t have you holding me back anymore. I’m moving on, I’m letting you go. I’m not doing this so you have a chance to get over me, I’m doing this for me. And only me. I don’t give a shit if that’s selfish, but it’s my life so I have to be. You won’t have control over me anymore, I won’t be hoping to run into you in random locations that i know you will never actually be in because you are so far away. I am done. You are free, let me be free. I am selfish, and I am proud.

    Related Post

    Leave a Reply