I guess I’m on a rampage now. Being able to write to you like this is freeing. It’s been over a year now and I still think you are fit!! I don’t like you anymore because everything is just to complicated because when you found out you couldn’t really look at me properly and I could never get up the courage to talk to you but its fine i understand. We were never meant to be. And im finding that line difficult to keep there because Its like saying i give up on any chance at all that we will ever go out or even talk to each other. I know you were still hung up over victoria and I have had that on and off thing with ricardo which ended in disaster which i am paying for now but i think part of the reason me and ricardo could never work out was because i was always thinking about you. I want this to be closure because in my heart of hearts i know that me losing weight or straightening my hair or coming to training in that pair or shorts will not make you like me but a girl can dream. And i have been dreaming for months and i will keep dreaming but its gets more difficult each time because i know nothing will happen. So tonight after writing this i will go to bed and cry because i just accepted me and you will never happen. I will be missing out an important chapter in the story of my life and i will just have to deal with it. I have to get over you because i don’t have a chance with you. I can spend another few months flitting between you and ricardo or i can accept that i have blown it with both of you and start over. I’m not good at that but what other choice do i have. SO i want to say this to you and i want you to take this in and digest this; you made me feel so helpless but so alive. Every time i saw you you would make me smile and those moment we had, the small conversations are all remembered. So thank you for being you and i know one day you will find someone who deserves you and can build up the courage to actually instigate a conversation!! I will miss you and oh my giddy aunt you do not know how difficult i am finding it to press publish!! I know that publishing this wont change how i feel about you over night but it just gives it a sense of finality that i think i’m abit to immature to handle!! But i will do it anyway… and next training session you will see me and i will have lost weight, straightened my hair and be wearing those shorts. I will most likely look over at you and i might smile if i’m feeling brave but you know what i’m ready now to face you. you are fit even though you have a lego head so expect me to sneak a few glances!! I’m not going out there to try and get you i’m going out there to go training and have fun with my friends and if you notice me and smile back i will be happy and if not oh well. I’m going to move on because i want to and need to. But just remember that i had feelings for you because i know i wont forget.