Today you passed me 4 times as I was sitting in the exam hall. Not once did you even look at me. I was sitting on the edge of the row of seats in the assembly hall and I was fighting back tears as you sat one seat away talking and laughing with A. When you answered something I said when we were talking about the exam I smiled so widely at you- it was involuntary, not on purpose but I knew you still weren’t talking to me so on the way home I wanted to cry.
I know I may be over reacting or something and maybe after everything I did to you I deserve it by some measure but its been over a month now. L and R are stopping A and I from doing stuff with you guys because they make it obvious we are outsiders and I hate it.
I will never completely get over you and no matter how hard I try not to care I do so please don’t do this. It’s slowly breaking my heart. Everyday I look at my phone hoping my some miracle you replied to my text or even called me. Every night I lie in bed making up storied in my head about how you do something that shows you to be a dick and everyone is on my side and I get a new boy and everyone hate you.
Then the next day I see you in real life. I know you will never do that then I remember you aren’t talking to me. Its 5 years gone by and the memories I made with you have gone from being some of my happiest moments I realise now to the most heartbreaking because I feel like they don’t mean as much to you and the thought of that just makes me want to cry. But crying would show signs of weakness so I’m going to put up my all to familiar guard and never show you what I really feel because I’m too scared.
So I’ll leave you will this proposition; I will take the blame for everything and apologise for everything I have ever done to hurt you if you can just once look at me and smile like you did when we first kissed, when we were playing hide and seek on the estate, when we found out we were head boy and girl, when you turned around in french, after I kissed you in the middle of the street on Valentines Day. Because those moments are engraved in my memory forever and I can’t believe they are over. I thought that one way or another we would last forever but we didn’t. So please give me one last happy memory with you because you mean too much to me for me to remember you like this.