I don’t think I’ll ever have what it takes to tell you how I really feel about you. Maybe it’s written all over my face whenever you see me. In the next to zero chance that you read this I would like to say to you a few things:
First off that i’m sorry for having the feelings I do for you. I promise I didn’t try to feel this way, or fuel these feelings. How we went from coworkers who don’t work directly with each other to somewhat close friends I still do not know. I’ve tried to tell myself that it’s because you’re so attractive that I must have fallen for your looks. The problem is that I meet a lot of attractive women and never give them a second thought. Is it because you’re so nice and friendly to me? But most all the women there are nice and friendly with me. Bigger question is not how we have become friends, but why in the hell do I think of you so often? Am I in love with you? To that my head says no, but my heart says yes. What does it matter anyways? Even if my heart could convince my mind, and you felt the same way, we couldn’t have each other. Not unless we were willing to ruin the lives of so many others. But this has gone on too long. I go from feeling ashamed for feeling the way I do, to feeling that there must be a reason for it. Can we not just be friends? I guess the answer to that depends on how you feel. If you feel the same way then I think the answer is no. How would it be possible? I’m to the point where I feel i’ve wasted so much time and energy on something that seems so silly, yet so emotionally draining that I may need to quit working there. Seeing you, talking to you, and just being by you only intensifies these crazy feelings. Again to reiterate the fact I have no idea why I have said feelings. Did they start when you told me I always look so good? How about you telling me so often that I smell so good? Or was it when you started texting me? I don’t blame you for feeling the way I do, just trying to figure out how and when this all started, and what I need to do about it now. Should I tell you? Would you tell me if you felt the same way? Would it be a good thing? A bad thing? Or would it even matter? I guess if nothing else it should flatter you that you have made me, the guy who never thinks twice about all this girly shit, feelings and what not, think so much about it that I can’t sleep. Reading back over this I really sound like a girl going on and on about this so I’d better just stop. I had to get it off my chest though. Maybe it can help someone else who is going through this. I do want to finish by saying I would never do anything to hurt you or those you truly love…or those that I love. To be honest that’s why I haven’t, nor probably ever will tell you face to face how I feel.