It’s raining. It’s a steady rain. Appropriate for my perpetual feeling of distress. I didn’t mean to hurt you if I did. The letter was only to express my truth. My truth about how much your lies have hurt me and how I need you to tell me truth behind them in order for us to continue being friends, but I guess your silence is your answer.
This breaks my heart, you know. It hurt before because of how you led me to believe you felt the same for me as I do for you, but now it’s even worse. You’re hurting my heart because you are ignoring my request to be my true friend by being honest with me. I understand that the truth hurts and I never intended to hurt your feelings if that’s what happened, but my goodness, please stop hurting mine. I didn’t mean to love you the way I did. There I said it. Love. Not “in love”, but love as in I care for you deeply. As a very good friend. You are, or were, my friend who I shared deep thoughts with, you told me secrets and I loved spending time with you. I would never take back those moments because I cherish every single one. We were so good together. Hell, we were great together. And now I sit here, at the foot of my front door, listening to the rain as I write wishing I hadn’t given you that letter asking you to tell me the truth about how you feel because now I feel like I have lost you for good. I didn’t want you to be the one who got away, I wanted to prevent that, but I think I just made it happen. But one day you’ll realize that I’m the one who got away because in my heart and even in my gut I believe we’re meant to be something more than just friends. (I know you feel it too) Right now it appears to be that we are nothing of the sort, but I at least tried to get the truth out of you. I shouldn’t be too mad at myself for that. I had to do what was best for me… I deserve the truth too. Right? Yes, yes I do. Hopefully you’ll realize that, but right now, I pray that you will forgive me and that you think about this more clearly because I miss you my friend. As the rain slows, so do my thoughts. I think a nap is what I need right now.