Hi. I know this is going to seem very, I don’t know, silly maybe. I can’t decide if it’s really okay to wait. We made a promise to each other that we would wait two years and see what happens when we meet up again. I don’t know if that’s why I’m still holding onto you or if I really am just for some reason falling in love with you. I regret every bad thing I have ever said to you. I need to tell you that. I didn’t treat you fairly those couple of months but that’s because you really hurt me and I was scared to let you in. I’m learning how to love myself, which is opening up so many opportunities to be able to be loved. And now I’m talking to your best friend and things are getting pretty serious pretty quickly. I wrote you another letter earlier this week that I was planning on giving you but I just don’t have the courage to break your heart by telling you it will ALWAYS be you. If you and him were standing next to each other in a room, I would always choose you. Like in the summer when that exact thing pretty much happened, I chose you. I’ve never had a doubt in my mind. I know it never would have worked because I’m not a relationship type of girl and you’re not a relationship type of guy, but now I think I’m ready and I don’t want to hurt you by telling you that this time, I chose him. You haven’t talked to me. You haven’t said anything. I’ve been hoping that I would run into you so we could talk, so I could explain how much you mean to me. I’ve been hoping that he would tell you how serious things are getting. I was hoping this because I was hoping your reaction would be to call me or show up to my house and tell me no. Tell me you want me. Fight for me. Tell me that I’m yours and I’m yours, but I can’t keep playing this cat and mouse game. If you can catch me, I’m yours. I say that all the time because I tend to flee the scene whenever I’m in a relationship. But I think you’ve already caught me. You don’t know you have but you have. I can’t move on and you’re the reason I keep thinking this soon to be relationship is a bad idea. Tell me you hate me, tell me you love me. Just give me some type of closure. If you still like me like you claimed you probably would and I assume you still do because we have had absolutely no closure at all because of our promise, then fight for me. Tell me not to be with him. Tell me to be with you. What if I died tomorrow? What if you died tomorrow? My biggest regret would be that we waited. I think the waiting was important so we could kind of find ourselves and do what we want without being tied down, but what’s the point in doing that anymore? If we both want each other, then let’s just do it. Let’s just try it out. Why do we have to wait? Fight for me please just fight for me. I don’t know how this will work I have no idea but god, please just fight for me. I want you. I will always want you, and you don’t see that but it is so true. Everything revolves around you. You make me happier than anyone and I just need you to fight for me. If you love me at all, you will fight for me and you won’t let me do this. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but if I have to, I will. I’ll explain myself fully to him but you have to fight for me. You have to be willing to let your pride go and just fucking fight for me. For once in your life, show me that you care and are willing to be with me no matter what.
It’s your move.