My Dear Friend,
Here we are.
After nearly a decade, you’re still the only one. I fell in love with you immediately. I was still a child. We were afraid of our intensity. I was overwhelming. You grew cold. We ran away. I filled my time with distractions. The distraction became my focus. I think I broke your heart. You certainly broke mine.
You never left my mind.
I am an intensely logical person. I could never fit what we were into a neat box, so I reduced everything into a bleak little package I called reality. You were just a man. I was just a woman. We were just friends; even though I was drowning in you. I was flailing around, looking for that life raft called validation. I could have relaxed. I could have floated. I could have, but I didn’t. I felt I couldn’t have you.
So, here I am.
And I still can’t “have” you. There it is. Our timing has always been terrible. Truth be told, you can’t “have” anyone. You can love wholly, exceptionally, totally, but no one is really our own to keep. We are all on borrowed time. I just want to lend you all of me.
For a long while, I put you into that pathetic box called, “the one that got away.” I realize now that the love of your life is only gone because, at some point, you opted out of the relationship and you chose to settle for something much more safe, more reasonable. I think real love scares many of us because it leaves us naked. All the parts you hate about yourself are visible. They are also loved and appreciated, which is somehow more difficult to accept than the alternative. You are perfect in my eyes. Everything you dislike about yourself, I love. Not only because your “flaws” are a part of you, but because I feel them too. I always had a hard time accepting this aspect of love from you. I tried to keep myself locked up and hidden for so long that I opted out. But, no longer.
Here is all of me.
And here I will wait for you. I desire absolutely nothing else. Merely being in the same room with you brings me a sense of peace that I can’t articulate for the life of me.
I have done away with all distraction.
I like you. I love you. I am in love with you.
Take your time. Be kind to yourself and all involved, but be brave. You can accomplish anything, my dear. I have faith in you.
Thank you for being you.
Forever and Always,