• I don’t know.

    by  • March 31, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 6 Comments

    I don’t know anymore. I don’t think I ever knew in the first place. About you. About us. How can someone be your source of happiness, but also your source of sadness? You give me butterflies, but anxiety and headaches. You make me smile and laugh, but are the cause of my 3 a.m. insomnia and silent tears. I love you, more than I have ever loved anything in my life. But you’re no good for me. You’re indecisive and reluctant towards everything, a constant paradox. Sometimes I don’t know if I even know you. Being with you destroys me, but not being without you would cause so much more pain. What am I to do? I know one day you won’t look at me with adoration in your eyes, or desire, want, love. At times I question your true intentions. Do you really love me? Or do you love the person I could be, who you think I could be, who you want me to be? I hate it I don’t even know how to express my emotions anymore, not even through words, not even through writing. At times I feel you take no interest in me unless its for your personal gain, but at other times I feel like you’re one of the people who actually is attentive towards my emotional neediness. Am I stupid? Am I just being naive, foolish? I feared the moment I saw you and you noticed me, I knew you’d leave a permanent mark on me. It’s as if I lost myself along the way, along the way of trying to be everything you wanted, along the way of loving you unconditionally. You tell me that you need me more than I’ll ever need you, and that my love for you is insignificant and immaculate compared to the love you have for me. But baby, you’re wrong. No matter how many times you say it, you’re wrong. I feel it in my gut, in my bones, my blood. It scares me how vulnerable I really am, how fragile and unprotected you’ve left me, how you can take so much and walk away in a heartbeat, no looking back. I feel so unvaluable around you, I don’t know why. There’s so much, too much, but I’ll never tell you, because you’ll never understand.
    I’m on the verge of exploding.

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    6 Responses to I don’t know.

    1. Aww
      March 31, 2015 at 1:34 pm

      This is a really heartfelt letter. Are you a guy or a girl?


    2. @A
      April 1, 2015 at 3:11 pm

      Maybe that’s where your wrong ForBoth telling everything to your person.
      Your person will know and will understand you more if you open up.
      If you try telling and the person don’t undertand you, at least you can say you tried. Rather not saying and regret.


    3. @A
      April 1, 2015 at 3:13 pm

      *For not telling….


    4. @Aww
      April 1, 2015 at 5:55 pm



    5. butterflies and silent tears
      April 2, 2015 at 8:37 am

      I know the feeling…You should just talk to this person. I’m sure the he would understand whatever it is you have to say.

      Why do you think he wouldn’t understand? Why do you think he doesn’t love you? Is he in a relationship with you?

      I hope you two get a chance to talk out whatever is going on. You don’t want to miss out on true love.


    6. @butterflies and silent tears
      April 2, 2015 at 1:10 pm

      I agree with you …

      Don’t waste time and speak to your person
      He will understand you..



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