Tonight it hit me. Its hit me before, sometimes harder then others, but tonight it was the hardest. I hate to admit it, but it makes sense. Its always made sense. I was with the people who are important to you tonight, and they are my friends. There is nothing wrong with them, no reason for me to hate them. But there is one reason that I never even admit to myself. They have something that I dont and may never have. They are important to you. And that hit me tonight like being buried in cement. I am unable to move, unable to change my position. Tonight I let it burn like greek fire, I hated everyone tonight. I sat staring into the distance feeling tears sting in my eyes. But no, they cant see the tears, because nothing ever bothers me. I am strong, I am brave, but no, not really. I am unstable. Ive always known that, too. If you knew my mind, you would be.. I dont even have a word to describe it. Honestly, its all ruined and stained and foggy and destroyed, my life. I wish I could just take some Windex and take off all the smudges. But im all out of ideas, darling. I even wish all the time that I could talk to you. I always want to talk to you, about what I should do about you. About what I should do with my life. Its the same with a heroin addict. At first it might be easy to take a little, and thats enough. It isnt all you care about, its just a small part of your life. But time goes on. Soon it becomes the only thing you think about, want, crave. Even though some part of you knows its killing you. I want to be important. I want you to want me. I want to talk to you all the time. I want your arms around me and gour voice in my ears. I want your lips on mine and our bodies near. I want my name engraved in your mind and my energy in your veins. I want you to be made of me like im made of you. This is where I admit the unadmitted. You have no idea how much it KILLS me the way you do what you do. You are like fog, I know that youre there and what you are but I cant see through you, I cant predict you. I look at you and see you, but im not seeing YOU. And it burns my mind. I know whats real and what is not. I know whats important and what is not. I know what is love and what is not. I know who is important and who is not. I know I love you, and the answer to that? If you can see through the foggy heroin high night, let me know whats going on here, because I must be blind.