I am very sorry that my timing was so bad. However, i am not sorry for what happened between us. We both had a lot of questions that we never had the nerve to ask in our younger days. All the deep feelings and secrets living in our hearts, we were able to finally share with each other. Not a lot of people are given such a chance. I kept my life safely hidden while diving deeply into your space, and for good reason.
So glad i did too. After things got bumpy, you got angry. Talk about flashbacks. You know, I’ve read that people who were abused can have ptsd…
All this time and you haven’t changed a bit. Hell, your are worse. At least i can admit my mistakes, you wouldn’t admit anything. You couldn’t just say you were sorry.
You wanna know why i reached out? Half of me did it for closure, the other half was just a lost soul, grasping for comfort while my life was crumbling apart.
You sweet bastard. You did help. You more than anyone else in this world could. When you gave me the answer to a question that kept me a prisoner to the hope of any life with you.
Now, i have been reborn in some ways. Able to love freely without guilt. In a whole hearted way. It feels lighter in my deepest parts, and there is no anger, or hate, i cannot even fathom feeling that way. There is no longing or belief anymore either…just peace.
It is that peace i want you to find as well. Stop looking for me, I’m not there. I’m not looking for you. Stop believing, the spirit of my love for you has dissipated, served is purpose and moved on,it no longer exists, don’t worship an empty temple. Live life knowing love knew you. Keep your heart and mind open.