More time has passed since we parted ways… and I don’t feel as angry or sad anymore. I do however realize and think that you just were not real. I envisioned you to be someone else, someone that just doesn’t exist in you.
I thought you were beautiful, that fades and your paint is chipping daily. I thought you were kind, but does someone really make comments the way you do and say and do the things you do? Your a fake and phony… you just want to be liked by everyone and so you decide to adjust and change to peoples wants and desires, then you just bad mouth them for disappointing them.
Your insecurities and jealousy was torturous, your inability to really see that you were loved and wanted is your biggest weakness. Your family is in denial, and it explains so much. Wake up lady, your just not special to me anymore. I hope your life can be happy somehow and your identity can come out for you and your mental health. Because playing it up for everyone is only going to get you more lost. It is ok to not be liked and to be yourself.
I am not perfect, and you were great at pointing out my flaws. Everyday I seem to be happier without you, less stressed… less of that eggshell walking feeling, or feeling like shit and being manipulated. You cant be loved until you learn to love yourself… life is not going to go how you plan it exactly, because you didn’t exactly design it. People come and go and teach us things. I am happy with my imperfections and sometimes I can just be weird, and I let my heart and my emotions blind me from seeing you…the real you. The real you is a scared and damaged person with not much going for her and you just don’t know who you are, and what you do.
Good luck lady, be weird and goofy – it suits you better. I never saw you finish anything you started. But you talk a good game… move back to Tampa and be with your family, you cant make it on your own.