so much has happened since i met you, and it’s so surreal that i did too. at first, i regretted it, wishing it never happened. but now that i’m older, i keep thinking about that day, and i keep saying gross things like “life is so funny” or something like that. but it is. i could have never met you, and just thinking about that, a life where i didn’t know you or your existence… in some ways, my life might have been better, but honestly, i wouldn’t trade it for anything. even if the relevance of my existence becomes to you only momentarily, even if i don’t matter, just the fact that i got to know you in itself, i wouldn’t trade it for anything. i have two letters about you on here, and for a brief moment, i forgot about you. but today i remembered meeting you so vividly. it wasn’t me pondering about our situation now (and how funny it is that after two whole years, we are still in contact with each other, yet you know nothing about me at all), but just how i felt in that moment i saw you standing. almost 2:00 am, rainy night. you standing, waiting. i saw your eyebrows raise slightly. i remember your shoes. what you said. little details. words. everything. i remember everything. i was so young, and the feeling was just… so foreign. like getting a gift, afraid of having to open it in front of everyone. i just decided it was better to just give up, and i did, multiple times, but somehow, something just keeps bringing you back. and i’m tired of dealing with delusions that things will change.
like i said, i’m older now. and i guess that’s it. and on the surface, i don’t expect anything from you. i just see you as an old acquaintance. so spare me one night to just remember that night. i’ll probably take a look through the archives to look at my melodramatic poetry and yearning for you.
you said you wanted to see me tomorrow night.