I wish that I we could be friends again and I did not live in such a clouded and closed mind to accept the fact that you were by far better than most friends I have in my life. I wish that the fight and falling out we had can be erased because there is not an evening that goes by, where I do not lay in my bed and wonder what life would have been like if I had stuck by you. I had prayed to have a friend like you but because you were so different from what I knew I pushed you away and at times grew jealous of you.
I was terrible towards you and in that I will always be sorry to you. Because for once I was wanted as a friend and I did not know how that felt, because I was always you wanting to fit in with my friend. I have learned a lot of myself through this tragedy that happened between you and I, I learned that I am close minded to difference and afraid of letting go and straying away from roads I know. You are who I wanted to be, defying all odds and fitting in places I wish at times I could be. And checking your Facebook or twitter from time to time does not help me because I am too daft to not try and sigh and say wow look at me still on ground 0 while you are soaring through the millions.
It was good in a lot of essences you parted ways with me. Because I am too broken to be friends with you, I do not understand the concept of loyalty and love that friends can share because for, far too long I have been pushed aside and hurt. I once read hurt people hurt others. I wonder if this is true about me but no I walk around adorning a mask of strength and vigilante, when in reality I am a coward easily coerced into things I should not dare attempt. So this my friend is a letter you will never read.
Gosh I miss you! I miss how you really wanted to be my friend and in a time when I need one the most … I do not have you. But before I go I need to confess why I lashed out against you. I was mad, that others in our group were getting close to you, I wanted us to be a duo that nobody else in that group could come between as I really did care about you. I wanted you to be my best friend and share intimate moments (not sexual ones just saying) that only good friends share but I grew jealous of the bonds you were creating with others and because this was a club we were running I hated being the odd one out while you were the hot one in. I miss you dearly I really do.
So to Miss M M R MD, I wish you the best in all that you do. I know you will succeed in life because you have love and a deep fight in you. Tell your family I miss them too and I pray you forgive me for being another venomous “girl” to you, but do know I did not intend to but was too scared to let you in and realized a lot too late how much I actually came to care for you, like you and love you like a friend.