• Honesty

    by  • March 19, 2015 • To You • 1 Comment

    It’s a scary thing, no? We all want it, we all feel we deserve it, but can we handle it? If you don’t give it, do you then forfeit your right to it?

    To you, other girl… If I knew he was still seeking you out, I’d leave him, in a heartbeat, and you would have every chance to be with him, and he with you. Your romantic ideas of him could possibly be fulfilled.

    It’s easier said than done though, right? Here’s the honest truth. The reason I don’t reach out and ask you is twofold, one – I don’t want the pain, to open that can of worms, again. And two – Leaving isn’t easy, no matter how much I would want to, there would be so many things to do. So much work. I get tired even thinking about it, but regardless of how much work it would be, I’d be gone. Done. Finito, never to darken the doorway again. Like a ghost.

    Now… Here’s the thing, you may possibly get the opportunity to take my place, but it’s doubtful. He’s had many the chance, I left before, and what happened? Well I’m back, though it’s a decision I’ve regretted ever since. I’m looking for the exit now, and I would love the extra push through the door. I don’t think it will come from you though, because I think if you were honest with yourself you’d realize 2 things.

    1) It was never you. He never loved you. You were an exciting no-no. He especially loved the times he shared with you when they were especially naughty, but the second it was discovered you became a distant memory, at least until the dust settled and it became a hidden game again.

    and

    2) That it has nothing to do with you, or me for that matter. It’s who he is. It’s how he treats all of us. You’re not even the only “other woman” You’re just the only one who’s hung around this long.

    I was never a bad partner, or person to him, despite what he may have told you. I did nothing but support, love, and take care of him. I never gave him a reason to doubt me, I never strayed, I never turned down any requests for physical affection, I went to his movies, I played his games, I cooked his dinners, made his lunches, did his laundry, sat next to his hospital bed holding his hand, and emptied his waste bottle when needed. I wiped away his tears, I took the brunt of his many “bad day” bad moods.

    I think you know this all, deep down. You carry on because you have romanticized it, and him. The reason I think you’ll never push the boundary is just that. You’ll be yesterdays news if it came out in the open. It doesn’t make you trash, and it doesn’t make me special.

    We’re just the chicks who allow him to get away with this shit.

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    One Response to Honesty

    1. half the battle
      March 20, 2015 at 8:19 am

      You already have won half the battle because you are self-aware. You also know who this guy really is. I understand leaving situations like these can be hard. There is history, shared finances, sometimes kids, etc. And as hard as it may be to leave, you may ultimately find it’s harder just to “stay”.

      Truth is, you really don’t need any outside force to push you out the door. You’ve had them. Especially if he’s cheated more than once. These serial cheaters suck the life out of their partners, other women, and probably use others in their life to take whatever they can to fill their own void.

      And you’re right, ultimately this other girl is meaningless to him. I’m sure on some level she knows that. The problem is that as long as there are women who stay in his life thinking he’s some kind of “prize”, the more this guy gets his validation, and the more depleted you (and she) will be. He has no reason to change. You/she? keep coming back.

      The great thing about space and time away from people like this, is that you can gain clarity, wake the fuck up, and want more for yourself. I speak from experience.

      You can’t beat a dead horse back to life.

      Good luck and I wish you strength to do whatever it is you need to do for you.




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