• Unrequited

    by  • March 18, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, Closure • 3 Comments

    For all who seek,

    Love left unanswered is an amazingly destructive force that acts like a cancer, devouring from within. What-ever the circumstances: he or she is married or blind to your desire or see’s you as a friend or your married or haven’t wanted or been able to extinguish a torch lit eons ago. The reasons or complexities involved truly don’t matter, sounds cruel and impossible to believe but it is the reality. Does the answer come to a few? Of course it is a possibility, but one that comes with long odds and almost always a huge cost. I know the theme will resonate with those entangled in this web but the overwhelming outcome will be fought tooth and nail. How long will you wait and what price is it worth? Dreams and fantasies are usually free of cost. They may sidetrack your heart and mind for a short while but like a morning mist they float away or burn off with the light of day. The torch is not so forgiving. It influences you in ways you can’t imagine, thoughts,deeds, and decisions that can alter so many lives. The end result is usually a lonely soul who has wasted so much of their time and passion on a ghost that there is little left to root and grow elsewhere. Please don’t see this passage as a condemnation of longing or love, that is the farthest thought from my mind. I love the very thought of love and I have the scars to prove it. No, this is not about trying to throw water on the flame, it is about controlling its fuel source and giving it its proper place and perspective. Do not end up despising your flame because they will not respond as you see fitting, do some introspective thinking and place the unattainable on a high shelf in your heart. It can exist, it cannot block your view. So please know I have felt the warmth of that flame but have also suffered the burn from it. You will never fully know the reasons why it does not love you as you love it but must understand, for your happiness and sanity, that it is living its own existence light years from yours. If you have shared intimacy with your fire you must know that this was your decision and comes with no promise or future. If it was all you hoped it would be than consider yourself lucky to have had a moment in time. As hard as it is to digest, that moment is more than most have. Make the flame a candle, place the candle high up in that special place and just glance at the flickering flame from time to time. It will grow dimmer as your visits lessen.

    3 Responses to Unrequited

    1. Darcus
      March 18, 2015 at 9:42 am

      Really well said.
      I’ve had to find a way of recovering myself from falling in love with someone who frankly still doesn’t understand what I want from a friendship.
      I loved her so much.
      But. I’ve grown to hate the way she makes me feel.
      To be there for someone, without question. Only to find that they’d rather be distracted elsewhere doing the most mundane of tasks whilst you’re on the precipice.
      I should never have let my mind wander.
      I should never have thought that I’d be more than a passing thought in her mind…

    2. Talhia
      March 18, 2015 at 1:19 pm

      Thank you for sharing this. This is the most beautiful, helpful and loving letter I have read to date. Your letter reinforced my belief and my drive to be kind, considerate and compassionate to all. The daily and sometimes constant battle we fight in our own head is by far more harmful to ourselves and to others than the sorrows of a lost flame.

      It is our wandering mind that creates more pain and suffering for ourselves and for others. We often forget that those who we perceive as causing us suffering and pain are seeking happiness and peace just as we are and calming our own minds can have great benefit to others simply by not reacting negatively to their expressions of suffering.

      When we sincerely desire for others to be happy we do this, not through our own desire to keep a joint flame burning but rather to light a fire from within that can be shared by many.

      Your letter has inspired me and motivated me to continue on my current path of love, understanding, compassion and kindness and my strong desire to maintain my own calm mind for the benefit of all.

      The torch I once carried for my flame burned and injured many but the gentle flame I took from that fierce torch now flickers and grows each day sharing calmness, peace and love for many, extinguishing the injurious and harmful affects of the burning torch. The gentle light from my flame now illuminates a path of diminished suffering not just for me but also for those who enter my path.

      So it is with sincerity and love that I thank you for what you have shared in your letter.

    3. Jason
      March 19, 2015 at 6:24 am

      My candle was borne from a flame lit almost 50 years ago and re-ignited almost 4 years ago. The destruction I caused by allowing its rebirth still echos in my marriage and my wife’s heart and mind. I can’t express, in words, the
      roller coaster it put us on and I have no one but myself to blame for it. The saying “you can’t go home” is so true in these instances. Your two letters brought up such a wave of memories that they stopped me dead in my tracks. I felt as if I was on an island while I was at my lowest point with this mess. When my marriage was at a low point and we were not communicating I decided to seek shelter in a fantasy that I had kept on life support for decades. The initial reunion was heady stuff, I was 17 again and had the girl of my dreams back in my world. The reality took about 3 months to set in and it was like a train hitting me. I thank the stars and their creator that no physical commitment was made but the fact that an emotional one happened is so surreal to me at this point as to have been impossible. I went through the hate of this flame not understanding the depth of my feelings and then a slow awareness that the feelings were of a child no longer here. “The child is grown, the dream is gone”. The damage was already done by this time. My bride had seen a couple of innocent , in content, texts and had started an private investigator to “catch me”. I already had my awakening by then and was down to generic texting by this time with a plan of letting this thing die a natural death. I know I look like gigantic s-head and I would be lying if I said it did die that death but now it is in its proper place and I feel no hold on me. My life, chipped but not destroyed,continues to grow stronger and I have carved a recess in my soul for my flame and the fantasy that I built around her. The true ending to all the stories, or at least a 99% majority, is the reality never lives up to the fantasy and that you are guided on a path for a reason. In hindsight, I know I would have never traded the years of my real life for the smoke and haze of that dream. I am in your debts for your beautiful replies.

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