• Troublemaker

    by  • March 18, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, Confession • 5 Comments

    Well that’s me although it was never what I had intended. You are IT my friend and I wish that wasn’t the case but it is. It’s ridiculous really and I know that in the end all that comes from being a troublemaker (even an inadvertent one) is, well trouble.
    I was always a walk the straight and narrow type you know. You threw me for a giant loop and slowly I don’t want to settle for just ok.
    But…it is what it is. I managed to stay strong yesterday which is a first and I’m not really sure how it happened. But its for the best. To lose you completely would be the ultimate worst.
    I can barely handle it when we go a full day without talking let alone if we were cut off completely. I got a taste of that a few months ago and it sucked.
    I keep telling myself you’re happy and I’m happy and she’s happy and he’s happy and everyone is happy and it’s all for the best and we probably wouldn’t work and then I would’ve lost you anyway.
    We’re too similar right?
    Is there really such a thing as too similar? It seems like faulty logic. Why shouldn’t two people who so obviously click obviously work?
    Maybe its just what I tell myself to make it alright in my brain.
    Cause really…
    I think we would’ve worked.
    I think we would’ve been fucking wonderful.
    There aren’t any alternate universes. Time to live in the universe I’m in. Wake up and smell the reality. Stop being marginally bitter and be content with the here and now.
    We’re going to be fine. More than fine. We’re going to do all the things we planned to do. When its all said and done it will have been wonderful in its own right and I will stop overheating my brain with thoughts of maybe and memories. Its self inflicted torture. I want you and I always will. You’re in my blood But you cant be in my arms. Willpower, composure, I got this.

    5 Responses to Troublemaker

    1. ?
      March 18, 2015 at 9:40 pm

      Why not?

    2. Author
      March 20, 2015 at 8:24 am

      We met too late. Lots of hearts in play now.

      -The Author

    3. @Author
      March 20, 2015 at 12:12 pm

      It is never too late for anything in life & by your admission? You are in love with them. Don’t settle for less or what’s easy/comfortable. Life is too short. Everywhere you look there is a heart, 7 billion plus. To come across one that beats in rhythm with yours & that feeling we all know…Listen to your heart?

    4. raw light
      March 21, 2015 at 6:26 pm

      It is depressing in a way, but there is some light in it too. I like this letter. Thank you for sharing.

    5. Always smile
      June 28, 2017 at 6:42 pm


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