• Our baby…

    by  • March 17, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, Children • 1 Comment

    Dear Christopher,
    First of all I would like to say that I am glad my brother tells me you are doing well. To this day, I still do not know why we do not speak. Over this, I hold much resentment toward you, yet do not want to touch you with it because I still love you and have hope that you can have a relationship with your son someday. I guess that was what I did to make you not speak to me again, I had our baby.

    I am also at fault for the way that things are, I should have told you about the baby when I found out as you requested, I was just truly afraid of having to seek another abortion, I almost did exactly that anyway due to guilt, feelings of inadequacy as a mother, embarrassment, and the inconvenience of having another baby with his brother going on 5 months.

    I should have let you go through the pregnancy with me and we could have shared that special time, instead I let fear take the wheel and challenged the deep time of my life alone. I wish you would have shown up for the birth as you said you were going to and gotten that apartment nearby. Out of pure fear of my own I did not keep you in the loop as I should have, I was afraid of being rejected.

    Things were wonderful until we stopped speaking. Out of the blue, you dropped me like a hot rock and that wrecked my whole life. You may be our little Adam’s father, but you were never there. You only saw me once while I was pregnant and I didn’t tell you because I had a threatened miscarriage and didn’t feel that you should have been along for the ride on that one since you only care about yourself apparently.

    Imagine it this way, I went through the legal trials alone, I worked as a single mom to give the kids everything and your son is well blessed with me. Everyone here loves him so incredibly much. How could you choose to miss out on this precious baby and the love I can offer us and we share it as a family? I can only imagine that you began talking to that other girl that you have been seeing for the past few months, one you never mentioned. Either way, very low blow to kick your son and his mother to the curb over new tail.

    He got shots today and had a first birthday party a few days ago, you missed all of that, only I celebrated and comforted him. When I put together his room as a newborn or changed it now to be a toddler, you weren’t there. When I went through the hardest times in his little life and mine, you weren’t there. Consider that for the thousands of dollars spent daily, a fraction should be for your son, it always should have been. I have been through the ringer because of your complacence and selfishness.

    Yes I have met someone new, I wish I could say how they are so much like you, but you will never answer me I’m sure. You have only been there for this baby for one day in his life, the day you met him. I cried my eyes out on the way home and had hope that you would be around your son, even if not around me. Now he’s all grown up and you know what he looks like by only the pictures my brother posts every once in a while. I have to work, go to college, and still be prime mom all day long, all year long, you have it so easy not being there.

    I can honestly say I almost hate you for what we have to go through because you’re an irresponsible jerk who mowed through women and had another abort your own child and neglected me with your other. I wonder if you can sleep at night knowing you did that. Don’t worry, you’re not missed except by me. Now I am twice the parent I’ll ever be and 100x more the parent than you will ever be for walking out on Adam and I. You have a couple of pics a year old and nothing else of your son. I will never let you hurt him with this.

    I lie every day already to my family telling them that you are a great dad and we talk all the time. If this means not hurting Adam, then so be it. You will always be a part of him and I hope you come back someday and make it up to them. I cannot believe that right now no one knows except those who have found out. Don’t be surprised if he hates you.

    I wake up every morning to him and see your face, you two are so alike. This hurts me but I shake it off and try to enjoy this new man so much like you, the problem is that he isn’t you. In a bad way and also in a good way. He has bought YOUR son many things he has needed and has been there for him. I hope your life changes soon and hope that if you catch wind of this letter, it stings and wakes you the hell up. Please come back and be a responsible adult and at least love and help your son, one year has gone by, better move fast.

    I still love you and cannot even do the things that remind me of you because it hurts. I will always tell my children the truth and I will tell Adam that you are his father. Whether he seeks you our or not is his business, I will leave that up to him.
    I will not demand anything legal from you although I should, but I will not give you the rights to a baby for all of the benefits while I do all the hard work, our son is a beautiful human being and deserves your undifferentiated love as well.

    One Response to Our baby…

    1. A
      March 17, 2015 at 7:05 am

      As an outsider reading in….
      You sound very upset that this man is not around, but from the beginning of your letter, you admit that it was you who kept him away. You cannot keep telling a man to leave, especially when carrying his child, then be all upset that he did just that. He made some educated decisions based on your behavior. You kept a huge chunk of knowledge from him, his baby, ignored him, lied to him… And this was just during the pregnancy. He could probably only guess what an emotionaly f#$%ed road was ahead. Would you want to emotionally attach your self to a child that could be ripped from your life just because mommy is mad? Of course not. He may not be perfect, but we do not find ourselves alone on our own.

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