I loved you… and I still do. Not the love as in “in-love”, but the friendship kind of love. I have always cared about you, and in my heart I think I will forever.
I offered way too many times to help you. I saw your broken-ness and I truly wanted to be there for you. I don’t think you realize how much I cared for you. Maybe more than you “so called friends”. Maybe you took it for granted.
We had so many late night talks about life. I feel like we connected greatly on a friendship level. We had some weird trust thing going on and that was nice. That night after Fricker’s was proof of this. You were drunk, and I drove you home. I’m not sure you even still remember this. You were sad about Andrea, and I was sad about my crush. We sat and cried together. You cried E. You grabbed my hand and told me everything was going to be alright. You told me that if it were meant to happen, it would happen. In the same way I encouraged you. But that moment was so real! We sat there for minutes and minutes until you let go of my hand. That is friendship.
But at some point you denied my help and pushed me away. And that’s okay. Maybe you weren’t ready. There is nothing wrong with that. But I have always been the type of friend who will be loyal. I have such a strong desire to help people and to be needed. And I felt like you didn’t see that, which saddens me.
I still wish I could help you if you were willing. But now that I am with my boyfriend, I don’t think I could. Anything that has to do with you makes him uncomfortable. I don’t blame him after he has seen all the hurt that has come from this.
Basically E, what you need it love. Not to be in love, but to find someone you truly care about. And someone who truly cares for you! I know there is someone out there like that for you. I pray that you find that person soon.
I miss the E who would text me every day to see how I was doing, the E who could sit and talk to me for hours about nothing, and the E who even once offered to buy me a spa getaway because I was having a horrible week. I know that man is still you! Be that kind of a friend to everyone; especially the ones you truly care for! Treat them right like I know you know how to do. And never ever push away or ignore the people who love you! They love you for a reason. You have so many great qualities about you and I hope you see them. Other people most certainly do. Keep working to be a better, more positive you and never stop.
I apologize for deleting you off Facebook and everything else, but it needed to be done for my sanity and happiness. This letter may have been confusing, but this needed to be said. I understand if you never want to speak to me again. But I feel so much better now. I can let go. I hope you can too.
Finally E, I just want to say that I forgive you and I forgive myself. And as I asked you to make me a promise a long time ago to never tell anyone about what we did; I ask that you keep that promise as well as to never show anyone the contents of this letter.
Even though I will see you at work, the engagement between us will be strictly professional and will involve work-related issues only. This is for my own well-being and happiness.
I do hope you find your happiness soon. Goodbye.