What we had was short but it haunts me everyday. You were my first kiss, the first person I ever had intimate feelings for, my first heartbreak, basically my first everything. Even though its been two crazy years since we were anything and I think about us all the time I’m still not sure if I loved you purely or if I was in love with idea of us. I often make myself believe it was the latter because I don’t want to believe that someone I had truly loved could treat me so horribly. I know I shouldn’t miss anything about you but I do and I’m afraid I always will. The hardest part is that I know you miss me to, maybe not as much or in the same way but you do. That’s what makes this all so confusing, as quickly as you bring me back into your life you force me out again. I don’t know if its right but there is one thing I’m sure of and that is that I want you in my life. What we had was special, to me anyway. The wonderful feelings I got from holding your hand or laying with you or just laying down staring into each other’s eyes or when my heart skipped a beat the first time we kissed. We’re both products of a wounded environment and that’s why it didn’t work. We’re damaged and no one taught us how to love properly or that we can be loved properly. I so badly wanted to give you all of my love and all of me and I still do. You gave me light when I was surrounded by darkness and I’m writing this now because I feel like I am that darkness and I just wish you would save me from myself.I take back what I said earlier about not being sure, I loved you and I still do.