• Stay Dead

    by  • March 14, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 3 Comments

    I’m in therapy because of you. I’m sure if you knew, you would relish that little fact. Unfortunately, you have this disgusting way of digging up information about my life, so have fun with that little tidbit. I hope that makes your sick, twisted soul happy. The irony about it all is that when we were together, you thought I was so boring, but now you seek information about my life? I don’t know how, because I’ve cut a lot of people I cared about out of my life to get you out of mine. And why? Because you’re a terrible human being, that’s why.

    Still waters run deep. I once told you someone said this to me and it made me feel real; validated. You looked at me like I was crazy. But beneath the surface, is water so deep, water you miss treading, because I think you liked to take advantage of my mind. You miss the depth and I think you contact me because you hate the shallow emptiness of your own soul and the life you’ve created for yourself. Stop fishing here. There are no more fish that will take the bait.

    What I hate most about why you did, is because I asked you nicely to never contact me again. There is nothing more I want in this world, for myself, than for you to just let me go. You’ve moved on and that’s great for you. I don’t understand. If you ever loved me, even in the smallest amount, for the shortest amount of time, why can’t you just let me have my life back? Why can’t you just do me this one favor and let me go? It can’t be that hard for you. You’ve let me go multiple times in the sense of ending our relationship and you never cared. Why can’t you let me go to live a happy life? Why do you send me short ambiguous messages blaming me for how shitty you feel? It’s your own fault. I don’t really think you blame me, but I think that’s what you want me to believe to fire up a response and feed your ego. Congratulations.

    Go away. Please. Let me live my life. Stop asking about me or whatever it is that you do. Just stop. I want you to let me go. I want to be free. I want to feel liberated. I want to see this world without these chains. You are so selfish. You have destroyed me. Believing you are dead has been the only way I can cope with all of this and begin to grieve the relationship; to move on. I am so excited for that day. I look forward to that day with more hope and excitement than anything else in my life. Why won’t you just stay dead and give me just this one thing? Just be in your relationship, be with your friends, family, and out of my life. Are you that selfish and unhappy that you won’t let me leave? If I could ask one thing from you, it would be this. Stay dead. Live your own life. Let me live mine. You made the decision not to be with me years ago. Stop dragging me through all of this and just let me grieve in peace. I can’t even touch another man without burning my hand. I still feel guilty. I just want to be happy and be able to allow someone to love me like I deserve and I can’t. I can’t with you peeking into my business and fishing in my waters. You are dead to me and I want it to stay that way. Please. Please just let me have this one thing and go away forever. It would mean more than the world to me. Let me go so I can heal and move on.

    Like you.

    3 Responses to Stay Dead

    1. Anonymous
      March 14, 2015 at 6:20 pm

      I could have written this. I know this feeling in the bottom to the bottom of my soul. I just want to look forward and not back, but he destroyed me too. Like you, I have to believe he is dead to move on, but he still comes around. Sometimes I am relieved to see him, to know that he has not forgotten, but other times all I wish is for him to disappear.

      I pray that you find the healing and peace you deserve. As I pray for myself and every other single person like us.

    2. Jessica
      March 14, 2015 at 6:34 pm

      Don’t publish, for comment only

    3. carter
      March 15, 2015 at 2:04 am

      Geez this is kinda nasty..! If ur plea was so desperate 4 ur person 2 leave u alone, ud b telling them directly n not on here.. I undastand that hurt is never a nice thing n we all deal with it differently… But 2 c someone as if they are dead is just nasty n diabolical… Y not focus ur energy on urself n do wot u need 2 4 urself, instead of wasting ur time teln sum1 2 let u go… What u Allow, will continue… U need 2 tell urself u much more worth it than what this person makes u feel, n than u will slowly heal n feel better from there… If u can’t change something,u either accept it 4 wot it is or u walk away.. Our entire lives r made up of choices, n where we r now is where we choose 2b and how our choices played out…

      I do hope u find ur innner peace though, otherwise ul never find the happiness u want…

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