• I’m fucked.

    by  • March 8, 2015 • Resentment • 5 Comments

    I’m slightly drunk but still incredibly aware of how fundamentally fucked I am. I have been struggling for so long with depression and I never mention it to anyone. I never say how hurt I feel, how often over the years I have raged against killing myself. I have fought like crazy to make it this far and to still have these moments, burns like salt in an open wound. Why does it hurt so much? Why can’t I be okay? I’m so tired of feeling this way. These words do no justice. I want to say it gets better and I suppose it has but this sickness only seems to twist and turn into something else. I think I should’ve killed myself a long time ago. I wasn’t meant to make it this far. I feel so stupid. There is so much suffering in the world and I can’t even manage to beat this dead feeling inside me. I feel like a loser and I probably am. Out of all the people that die too soon and here I am with my jagged pieces. Doesn’t seem right.

    5 Responses to I’m fucked.

    1. J
      March 8, 2015 at 5:51 pm

      Please don’t hurt yourself. 🙁 Someone I care about feels this way all the time and it sucks. It hurts me as much as it hurts them, and I am always scared that I will never talk to them again, or see them again. My point is; no matter how horrible you feel, someone out there loves you this much, too. Which means that you are worthy of so much more than you realize sometimes. Don’t give up. Keep fighting. You are important.

      Peace

    2. Have no doubt
      March 8, 2015 at 7:31 pm

      Have no doubt, that someone cares about you. If you don’t want to carry on for yourself, carry on for those who love you. Sure you’ve probably stumbled and made mistakes; but we all do, dahlin’. Depression is VERY serious. You must mention it to someone (have struggled with it for 24 years. Get to a psychiatrist, and find a cathartic release. If you’re around anyone regularly-with decent perception-he/she/they suspect it. Tell someone about it.

      Please take care of yourself.

    3. hello
      March 8, 2015 at 10:40 pm

      you don’t love yourself? But I love you. I know you. You, are me. have you seen a picture of sand, under a microscope? That’s what your pieces look like, up close. from too far, they look like a mess. up close, they’re beautiful. don’t be afraid to get close

    4. C
      March 10, 2015 at 12:33 am

      Stay. I wear a key of glass and iron every day now, to remind me to be strong…you can make it, too. Find your focus. Glass might shatter and cut, yes. But it can also be remelted, it can be built up from a million dregs of sand…and shaped into something new. You can make it. Be. Find your happiness. Stay. Be someone new. C

    5. K
      March 10, 2015 at 8:21 am

      Hello, please don’t kill yourself. I was in the same situation as you were. I felt even worse. I felt that everything that was happening was against me. I was there a year ago when everything fell apart and here I am, happy. Trust and believe me when I say this too shall pass. Whoever God you believe in, believe in Him because He will give you the strength, Look at the more positive side of things. I know, I know, it isn’t easy but it gets better with time, I swear. Try loving yourself more. Treat yourself to little things that might make you happy like getting your favorite meal from your favorite food chain, or looking at babies’ pictures. I swear, these are few of the many things that could uplift your mood, maybe then you would be able to see the brighter side of things just like I did. Just remember, how many people are out there in the same situation as you? What if someone out there is waiting for you to come and say hello but you wouldn’t be able to do so if you kill yourself right? YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS WORLD. Again, GREAT THINGS TAKE TIME, so be patient enough because I promise you, things will get better, just have faith.

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