• Everything I will never say (pt 3)

    by  • March 8, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, Love - Pure and Simple • 0 Comments

    Dear R. Think I’m even boring myself now, but I miss you so much. I think I’ve convinced myself that you just don’t care about me much and I’m wondering how long you will leave it if I don’t contact you? It’s not a test, I just don’t feel like you want or need me as much as I do you … and I feel like an idiot over it, I’m putting myself through hell over this. With any relationship the feelings either go away and you split or they get stronger and you can share that amazing feeling together … My feelings for you are getting stronger and stronger and I can’t share that with you, it just feels like one big dead end and I feel really lonely. It’s at the point now where I’m not sure I can go on without being able to share with you that I love you and knowing that you feel the same. But I don’t think that’s going to happen is it and you don’t want it to. You are the person I’m in love with … the only one … and tbh if I can’t be with you I would rather be on my own, which is looking increasingly likely eventually. I don’t even think I care though. I’m trying hard to tell myself that if I love you this much I should just want you to be happy, but I don’t think I can cope with you being happy without me any more … and I can’t ever be the one who makes you happy, who goes to sleep next to you at night and wakes up with you in the morning. I honestly would do anything to be with you, but I know you’d run a mile if I told you that, which is why I’m writing it here. My choice is to love you silently and hurt every second I’m with you because I can’t tell you and you can’t/won’t love me back … or leave and say nothing … or tell you and lose you because you can’t give me what I want with you. What a fab choice :(((( Txxx

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