Hanson grew up at a small fishing village where everyone knew everybody. He loved the sea but hated the stench of dead fishes and weeds thrown to shore. He grew up an orphan but found solace and comfort from his aunt. He never met any of his parents. His siblings were all from different mothers and he never developed any kinship with them. Every time he goes back to his hometown, a little part of him stays there.
He lays his palm on the gravestone… His aunt, his beloved aunt, long gone but whose smile was still fresh to his memory… “Hanuko, come here..” Auntie hands young Hanson a toy car. It was blue, the one he always wanted. “Vroom… my little Hanuko, driving away.. leaving this town.. making me oh, so proud..” The young boy was excited for the toy but didn’t quite understood why he was being sent away.. He never had big dreams. He was happy there taking care of his aunt. She was his world. “Han, we need to go” it was his agent stopping his reverie short. Hanson sighs, he is very tired of touring but he can’t quit.
His phone rings, it’s that anonymous caller again. He picks it up wondering if she will speak this time. He knows it’s a woman because she sighs, quite creepily.. This started last year. While it really doesn’t bother him, it is quite annoying and he is very busy enough to be bothered with such nonsense. He has a few hours until matinee starts.. ‘Another day, when will this end?’ he thinks to himself.
Curtain call. The laugh lines are deeply written on his face. He resumes to his grief stricken countenance. He escapes to the backdoor to avoid the crowd. He thought he saw Alice. But no, it can’t be her. It has been years since he heard from her. Given her distance and how well she manages, it makes him wonder if she truly cared for him or if she ever took him seriously. Probably not, given what he does for a living. I mean who would love a clown?
Alice tries not to think of Hanson, sometimes she succeeds at that. Why doesn’t he give up? Why can’t she just say it? Tell him how she truly feels. She can’t quite place her emotions. Hate him, love him? Throw him out, let him in? “Hah, forget that clown. There are far too many things to do. Besides, you can’t get him to sit down. He is always ‘somewhere.’
Truth is way bizarre than fiction. This track and field called life where the finish line is also the starting line. Everything gets lost with words. Your story, my story they will always be different as the pages are written with each separate step you take. It would really be nice to just spend a day to ourselves, looking past judgments. Finding no fault, leaving no explanations. But you never make it happen 🙁 I know every bit of you, I’ve known you for long. I never doubted. That is why it pains me cause I know you want this, too.
I see you everywhere and I find it hard to smile without you there. But if being away is where you find happiness then carry on. I always speak of the moment, no past – no future because that is all as is given. I have risked everything, gave it everything I got but it seem you wanted a different person. Someone I can never be.. If after all this time you still don’t know me then maybe you are seeing a different person. You made promises but took all of them back as quick as you made them. I have always seen a future with you. But that future can never be if you don’t spend a small fraction of a moment with me. I was always the one left standing. Alone.