Everything you say, they’re just words.
The feelings you get when you say hate,
are the same feelings you get when you say love.
Or when you say flower it is the same as dirt.
They’re hollow, empty, and pointless.
I used to wish I didn’t know what I know. But I do know.
I’m still in shock from losing my parents, my children, and someday my sister.
I don’t know HOW I’m supposed to feel now. All the love I had to give was given to people that do not care for anything but themselves. The picture I had in my mind of what life WAS, the one they helped me paint, is all FAKE.
So, for you to play little games with text messages and saying you will do something that you have NO intention of ever doing, is something I have NO patience for right now.
Why don’t you have a house phone, or answer my phone calls, or text me all the time? Why don’t you ever use your boat? Why were you so mean to me when we went to family’s cabin by the lake? And so many other little things that you DON’T do any more! Why?? I know why. Because it reminds of someone you can’t have. Which only tells me over and over again, that you still want them. I don’t want to be your second or even third choice. I suppose to be your first choice. But that will never be.
Also, the same reasons you don’t do all those things, is the same reasons I hold back. Because it hurts to much to not have, what I had. I want parents, I want children, I want sisters. I will never have those people and all the love they bring with them. It still takes my breathe away, but in a bad way!
So, go on and throw your silly tantrum. I have to go to work.