I will remember everything. I asked you out because.. well… I don’t trust anyone. I thought you would be different. My whole life i’ve been filled with self doubt and pure sorrow. In my soul I possess a crevice. One so deep and long that it will never be crosses or filled.
I thought you could fill that crevice. I was wrong apparently. You said that you couldn’t stand my love for you, that it was too much. I took a leap of faith saying the words “I love you.” I don’t care that your “aromantic” and I can live with you not feeling the same way. You told me you love me in a platonic way and I could live with that.
But, to have you just cut me off I didn’t deserve. I remember when you came over for new years and we missed midnight by a minute. That minute after was the happiest time of my life. To feel you lips against mine was a moment of pure ecstasy. In that moment I knew that I could be someone. That I could be something better than what I am. All the years of self doubt and feelings of worthlessness was gone.
Then you left. The moment you said you wanted to breakup I snapped. I was so afraid of losing you that I had to try everything that I thought would work. Now almost three weeks later I’m here in my room typing this letter up and the pain still isn’t gone. All the emotions you shed light on and protected me from are back and in full force.
Part of me wants you to see this so you know how I feel, but part of me wants you to forget about me and be happy. When I kissed you in that moment I wanted to know everything about you. Your hopes and dreams, the happiest and saddest moments of your life. So, i’ll remember that moment that one measly minute after midnight. I’ll hold onto it for the rest of my life, because M- I still love you and I know deep down its possibly you do too.
Do you remember my favorite book- The Great Gatsby? I guess everyone has their Daisy. You were mine. I love you M.