This name suits u perfectly,because u just like that when it comes to how u feeling do u know that.. U change ur feelings and mood in a instant..
Yesterday I really got angry @ u because u made me feel so shit like I’m the 1 ruining what u have going on with someone else when its not like that @ all and u know it..So this is exactly how I see things and the very harsh truth to it whether u like it or not or whether u agree with me or not..
Where do I even begin.. Ok we friends right, good we know that and we both agreed.. But we both know that its more than just that but we choose 2 ignore it like I said in my previous letter.. U see iv realized iv loved u too much and with the result ur love has consumed my life to a point where I had to make big changes to myself and work my way up from there.. And I have been doing that strongly and back on my feet.. However u seem to think that because I feel this way all the time towards u,I’m needy or that I constantly want u or want ur attention all the time or that I can’t move on or that I’m not strong enough to get through all this.. But u know what u r wrong,u underestimate me certain times and I hate it! Don’t think because I care so much 4 u or that I’m constantly in contact with u that u can just take advantage of me or just use me when it suits u,no than u gonna totally rub me up the wrong way woman..
U claim 2 be in a relationship with another guy and yes outa all due respect I accepted that and I never tried to take u away from him.. However to me it just don’t seem like he makes u feel the way u would like to or the way I made/make u feel in some way or another..I speak under correction but I do have reason to why I say so…4 eg. 4 the past 2weeks we have been totally cool with each other,since I officially broke things off with Imaan me and u have just been so nice to 1 another n I love it that way.. We spoke nice,never argued nothing nasty was said ect ect.. And inbetween these 2weeks u and I both know how strongly we still feel u felt it with me.. Or ud never say 2me u wish things wouldve ended differently between us,u would never cry after reading what I said if u didn’t feel anything but concern only.. We spoke late @ night, I comforted u when u weren’t well, I calmed u wen u were angry, I defended u and I told u how much u were worth after u telling me how ur room mate takes advantage of u… I’m not trying 2 use any of this against u I’m just trying 4 u 2 see my point that’s all.. And in all this time we spoke and became closer, not once did u even mention ur bf..not once.. Regardless what I say that I didn’t wana hear about him,u never mentioned him.. Don’t get me wrong I will never wish u unhappiness or bad, but if this guy was really so into u like ud hope he would be than u would NEVER have turn to me.. As a friend yes, but u know that it felt much more than just that…
I fully understand ur point and where u come from.. Stop thinking I’m so small minded and that I just think about myself,I don’t.. Infact I have always considered ur feelings uptil now,especially when it comes to facebook.. Things u don’t like I try to cut that out, if certains u don’t like I delete it or I change what I need to not because I wana pls u or becoz ur opinion is what goes, but because I CARE so I do it…. My point is this, I know u have a bf and I was nothing but a good friend to u.. However u still played a big role in my life wen it came to another woman… U always viewed how u feel wen it came to them, and u got honestly jealous and u admit that! U got jealous because u stil love me but u don’t wana say it because it makes u selfish that u have a guy but yet u get jealous over me that gets close to any girl..
Everything was great between us, until friday night when I had the guts to actually speak up about how I see things, and instead of a response kabang u immediately step again waaaaaaay back and close up.. Why r u like that? U keep running 4 the heels when I bring up things that u know is the truth..u hate admitting it,so u lie to me instead and avoid me to make it seem like u know nothing..I’m not dumb I know u with him on weekends, I know u guys have sex,go out, do whatever..and I’m fine with it.. But all I ask is that u Respect my feelings too like I do urs.. I don’t tell u I don’t wana hear about him because I’m nasty or jealous,no that’s not it at all.. I say that becoz it hurts to hear u how u feel 4 him,I don’t do that to u.. Even though u know all the women I’m with or have been with u, u always knew u have the upper hand becoz of how I feel 4 u.. But regardless of that I didn’t tell u how I’m falling inlove with sum1 else if or wen I do becoz I know how it will break u silently without u even saying it 2 me.. Becoz that’s how u r, u keep things in wen u hurt and sad or angry.. N u just carry on and pretend like thers nothing wrong in the world..
I don’t wana have another goodbye speech, I don’t wana wish u well or say sad things and we must go our ways.. No I don’t! I’m not gonna loose u again, iv lost u way too many times.. I lost u as the love of my life and I’m not loosing u as my friend again.. 4 years! 4years we have been in each others lives I’m not gona let that just go 2 waste.. Ur guys and my girls come now in the picture and we must just immediately loose contact 4 them? Oh no it doesn’t work that way.. U say its best if we just stay out of each others lives? 4 what? I know in my heart we r meant to be together,not now but we r.. But until than I’m all good with either of us being with sum1 else, If it means I should msg u less or back down abit I will,but as far as me just walking away from u again, I won’t.. Doesn’t this mean anything to u the way I fight so hard 4u? Doesn’t it? Just becoz I don’t mention 2 u I’m not seeing other girls or not in committed relationship that I don’t have girl I like or starting 2.. I don’t say it coz I can c in ur reaction 2 small things how much it stirs u up and makes u step away… I can tell by ur tone of voice wen u like something or not,I can telll by the way u answer wen u sincere and wen u sarcastic… I can read u like a book emotionally..
So to end this all..All I wana say is, don’t make me feel guilty or bad about interfering in ur relationship when u have been the way u r with me… The reason I personally said I will back away from everyone wen I have a gf is becoz I wouldn’t wana make any1 else believe I feel any different about her by trying to fill a void sumwhere else… When I Know that is truly where my heart lays.. I’m sorry if u think I make things difficult 4 u or unpleasant.. If it makes u feel any better I will not mention these 3 words 2 u again “I love u” I will contain every single feeling I have 4 u and treat u like its not there.. However I know how u gonna take it, ul immediately assume that iv replaced sum1 in my heart which spot u hold.. And u won’t suma b the same.. U can say what u like,u love the fact that u know how much I feel 4 u and it makes u thrive on that sometimes..
Iv confided in u as a friend when it came 2 my op,not as the girl I love..iv been there n stood up 4 u as a friend and not because I love u only.. That’s just the kind of person I am other than the bf u knew.. Not that I mean 2 sound full of myself but that’s y I have so many female friends falling 4 me,becoz I’m way 2 caring and loving sumtimes..but that’s who I am,n I treat all my friends the same..whether how they feel,I will never throw it in their faces who I love even if they know.. When I wrote u the last letter about how I feel it wasn’t actually just that moment its how I really feel,I was just angry when u askd me and I said something else..
I do still wana see u, I do still wana do things with u.. I’m tired of being a chat buddy now… But u don’t or u can’t trust me with that becoz u so unsure and confuse about how u feel I don’t think u even notice it.. Love is my weakest W, but that doesn’t mean I’m not strong enough 2 overcome it.. That doesn’t mean I haven’t moved on,that doesn’t mean ima wait around 4 u 4ever.. The very most important thing iv learnt 4 this new year about how 2 deal with feelings and situations is 2 FACE them and get through it,instead of over it or running away.. How many times didn’t we say goodbye? How many times didn’t we say this is it? How many times didint I rearrange my hole life just to suit my heart and what it wants? And I’m quite sick and tired of it… I am happy,I don’t need a woman or any1 else 4 my happiness..I’m just that kinda person, I know my self worth and what I deserve.. I’m not negative like u think I am,iv just decide 2 accept reality 4 what it is good or bad and that’s it.. “Hope” is what broke me down so many times and its part of the reason where I am 2day.. So I decided 2 just cut that out n live 4 now.. I don’t hope 4 anything anymore..I don’t expect things either…
I know I’m not perfect 2 u and I’m so flawed.. I know I’m not the wealthiest or most handsome guy,but 1 thing I can guarantee u the most u will NEVER find any1 who will care/d 4 u as much as I do… Iv been through my fair share in life, n yes iv shared with u as much deep secrets as u have with me too.. N I have trusted u 4 that… But that doesn’t mean I will use it against u or remind u how u feel all the time..I don’t either wana bring the past up or feel certain things the way u want 2.. I don’t either wana be on a rollercoaster with u… I myself hate it.. But I cant change how I feel about u, and unlike u I’m not gonna pretend everything is ok esp wen it comes 2 me n u.. I can pretend 4 anyone else yes….I work through it daily… I’m trying so hard to be a better person.. .I’m trying really..
I can love u as a gf or as a friend it doesn’t matter 2 me..but all I ask is just to never ever make it seem again like I’m the 1 who’s ruining what u have…. U knw in ur heart how u feel,so pls don’t make me the bad 1.. I can be the best person I am 2u without showing u affection, but I wana know its appreciated and comes from both sides too… IF this is 2 much 4 u as me being A Friend,than I’m sorry I can’t be any less than who I am…