• Its too late now

    by  • February 25, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, Family Stuff • 0 Comments

    You finally ask me what my perspective is, but it’s too late now. I tried numerous amount of times to tell you what my thoughts and feelings were, but you would never let me finish..you would interrupt me; usually about what I have messed up on again. You never fail to remind me about things that I have screwed up on….What’s worse is when both you and her double team me…criticizing me, nagging me, pointing out my faults…throwing my mistakes in my face. You could go on for hours of telling me what I’m doing wrong, if i would let you. I only sit down and listen to you out of respect, and to try to understand what you expect out of me. But its so hard to understand you when you talk in circles, and contradict some of the things you have said before.

    I think what hurts the most is that you do not see how hard I am trying. You even deny i am even trying, and then once again point out things I am screwing up on or lacking on. WHY don’t you see all the good things i do….better yet, why do you not take into account of the good things I do. Whenever I mess up All the good things I’ve done seems to be non existent anymore…and I’m back to the beginning..all that work to try to please you…gone. I feel like I’ve fallen into this deep deep hole that takes forever to climb out, and once I’m almost out,i slip up..and is thrown back to the bottom. Yea i messed up, no excuses…but why do i have to start all over again…It’s making that climb back up seem impossible, and not even worth trying.
    And 2nd of all Why is that hole so deep anyways. I didn’t make it that deep. i may be wrong but
    what i bet it is. Is the hole that has been dug from the disappointment you have had from Momma and brother. Is that it? You place super high expectations on me, I try so hard to reach them…Then fall under the pressure.

    I’m tired of climbing up that hole over and over again…each time harder and harder.
    See me as me.
    I am not perfect, I am human after all. But I try so hard on being the best daughter, I still mess up when trying my best…being a teenager is troubling enough
    I have disabilities you may not understand..but they are there.
    Daddy, your expectations of me is like u expect me to be perfect. They are not realistic…look thru my perspective…try to understand me.
    But you do not see, I don’t know how to show you. Ive tried showing you before.. Ive tried telling you…
    I now see no point in trying. What difference will it do.
    You’ve finally asked me what my perspective is, But it’s too late now.

    Related Post

    Leave a Reply