• Maybe

    by  • February 22, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, Waxing Poetic • 1 Comment

    Maybe it’s not just me anymore
    Or the way I pick guys
    Maybe it’s not my fault
    if I haven’t experienced anything like this

    Maybe they keep hurting me
    over and over again
    Maybe I can’t trust anymore
    because I’ve lost faith in mankind
    in men and in love

    Maybe I’m oversensitive
    Maybe I’m obsessed with it
    But every single word I hear
    is a dagger aimed straight at my heart.

    Maybe I don’t wanna do it
    Because it would wreck me forever
    Maybe I feel pressured
    because I’m getting older

    I wish I would just find
    Someone I could trust
    Someone I could talk to
    Someone to listen
    Someone to care

    Someone who’s not a jerk
    who doesn’t sleep with my best friend
    who doesn’t play his flirty game
    with all the moving creatures around
    who doesn’t make me believe
    in promises he cannot keep
    who doesn’t pretend he’s single
    until his girlfriend walks in
    who doesn’t treat me like shit
    because I’m just too nice to deserve better
    who doesn’t lie
    about everything he is

    Someone I’d love
    Someone I’d keep
    Someone who would smile
    just thinking about us
    Someone who’d find me beautiful
    when I don’t anymore
    someone to pick up the broken pieces
    and hold them all together
    by a single smile and look
    someone special and amazing
    butterflies in the stomach and daydreaming

    Unlucky in love
    and all those matters

    Maybe I don’t feel worth it anymore
    Maybe it’s too late
    and everyone is wondering what is wrong with me
    why I can’t keep a man
    why I am so young somehow
    how I could miss out on those things
    that they consider the core part of it all
    I guess I was just too shy
    and as time was passing by, I was not ready
    then betrayed and hurt
    then afraid to trust again
    then ashamed of my inexperience
    and then stuck forever in this silent circle

    Maybe that’s who I am
    Maybe that’s not who I wanna be
    Maybe it’s just not a choice
    Maybe it’s not my fault

    I just need you,
    i just need you to love me
    To prove me that I am someone
    That I did it right all along
    That everything was made for the best
    That I was not the chorus of an heartbreak song
    That I could tell you
    how much i loved you, how much I cared
    how i freaking miss you
    how i’m so lost without you
    without you hugging me
    protecting me from the world surrounding me
    from reality and pain
    how I can’t stand knowing you’re in love with her
    how it freaking hurts
    how it’s sad and so stupid somehow
    how i’m desperate for someone to love me
    how i’m losing myself in this
    how i’m stuck and hurt and lost and wounded
    how i am not anymore my own.
    how I miss you

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    One Response to Maybe

    1. A
      February 22, 2015 at 11:27 pm

      I can relate to a lot of this. Keep your head up sweetie. Things will get better. If you find your heart is broken and your down remember that the only way to go is up now. Have faith that it won’t always be like this.

      Love, A




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