• Love…Regret…Change….

    by  • February 12, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, The Ex • 0 Comments

    You were the one that i loved with all of my heart. you were the first thing that was on my mind when i woke up, and the last thing when i fell asleep. I was always there for you no matter what. When everyone left you alone, when you came to me for help with your current boyfriend or help with anything or anyone. No matter how much it hurt me, no matter how much i was in pain, i kept it hidden inside for you. I told myself if you were happy then that was all that mattered. Having you in life made me change a lot. Comparing myself now to before i met you, i am in no way the same person. Sometimes after everything that`s happened. i wish i never met you; and yet at times i`m truly great full that i met you. I can truly say that i fell in love with you, and that no matter what, there`s a part of me that will always love you no matter what you`ve done to me. One saying that i found out was true was basically saying that i know that i truly love you when i am supposed to hate you. Either way, i love you and you know it. having you ignore me now is killing me on the inside, in breaking down in tears every night, i`m relapsing into my depression harder than ever before and yet you seem to be completely happy. yet with that i`m glad that your happy. i don`t care what happens to me so long as your okay and happy. the only thing that i truly hate more than anything, that you have done to me is play and mess with my heart, so much that it not only got to the point that you`ve broken it but you got it past the point of repair. i feel like i can not only love anyone else but that i can`t love anyone anymore and made me feel completely horrid about myself. you engraved it in my head that everything was my fault. for 3 years you messed with my feeling and my heart and now i don’t even know what to think anymore and i honestly feel like i can never date anyone anymore. even when i tried you made sure to stop it and did everything to prevent me to. yet i still forgive you. i don’t even know why i do, or even why i still love you but…i still do…….. i ve tried to change, ive tried to stop crying, to stop loving and just close my heart off but idk whats going on anymore i just don’t know what to feel or do anymore. i am completely broken now. i truly fear that i cant be put back together again. If you’re still reading this then thank you for taking the time to read this. you don’t know how much it means that you took the time to read it, again thank you.

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