• Our Time is Now

    by  • February 9, 2015 • Love - Pure and Simple • 0 Comments

    Dear JW,

    I have thought and thought about what to say to you and how to say it. I am scared shitless. I am so used to being let down, and I am worried that I have waited too long to come around. But, I did not realize, did not see what was possible between us. I guess I never really really considered what was possible, or let myself even think along those lines, cause it seemed the distance was too much to make a relationship work. So in my mind, it was casual. So, this summer when I contacted you in July, I had not seen you in a while. I guess six weeks or so, I think it had been May when I last came to visit. I contacted you to let you know I should not make plans or have naughty conversations with you, because I was seeing someone. I was honestly shocked at your response. I was surprised that you were angry with me. I was surprised that you unfriended me on Facebook. I was shocked that you were upset. I was shocked at your response when I asked why, you said you did not want to be jealously observing my new relationship. And later, you text me that you love me, I was like “whoa.” I did not expect that. At all. And now I had this new boyfriend to focus on, and this quiet text message to sit in my heart like a tiny flame. But what you did not know is that my new boyfriend was lame. Though he became an unforgettable friend to me, being there with me during the time of the loss of my father, he was good to me. But he was so boring. And he was weird, awkward, and I got lonely with him. He did not kiss me right, or give me much of anything I needed or asked of him. I was happy when you friended me again. And I was happy when we started texting each other again, I had missed you. When we finally got around to me coming to see you, I knew then that I had to cut him loose for real. And when I came around to seeing you again JW, I felt differently about you, I had grown in the six months I had not seen you, or shared time with you. As I drove home that day, I knew that I felt differently about you than I had realized and since then my feelings have grown for you. To me, you are a true example of a real man, and I admire you so much, you have to know that. I just feel love and pride for you. You have the sweetest most loving heart. You treat those around you so well, and are kind to people you encounter in the world. You are handsome, you are driven, you are interesting, generous, open-minded, fun, passionate, wonderful…you. Since we have reunited in November, the best times have been with you. The happiest moments have been with you. You make me feel like a beautiful goddess, you make me feel very much cared for. I want to take care of you, I want to lay down with you at night, and wake with you in the morning. I want to share a life with you. I want to make your days easier, and fuller, I want to be your comfort and I want to grow old with you. I want to tell you all of this, but I am worried. When I last came to visit you seemed different. Since we had our brief conversation of me moving North…I feel like you could tell how I responded that my feelings had grown and that scared you. You seemed indifferent to me being there, you seemed anxious as you mentioned a time or two that you are not sure if you are ready to talk to your son about dating someone. So when I drove home last time, I was feeling let down and that sick feeling that I had done it again. I said how I felt, told you that I thought about day to day life with you, but that I don’t see it anytime soon. Driving home, feeling like something was bad wrong. That was a week ago. You still seem a little distant. I will come and see you for Valentines day after work, it will be late. I will bring champagne, strawberries, and I will wear lingerie, we will dance in the living room and make love til early in the morning. We will go have a fancy brunch, you will meet my friends, we will spend the day in the conservatorium. I’m going to tell you that I am in love with you this weekend. I am going to put it all out there and see what happens. I wonder what my drive home will be like? Will I be elated from the joy of hearing you tell me you love me too? Or will I drive home brokenhearted?

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