I don’t understand you.
I love you completely.
I think you’re mentally ill.
When you threaten suicide it scares me.
When you chopped your hair off, it scared me.
When you cut yourself it terrified me.
We have such an explosive relationship. I am a grown man. I’ve never been to this part of crazy before. I do things, we do things that I feel absolutely awful about. This is an abusive toxic love. I guess I never believed in that before. I always thought these relationships were made up on Jerry Springer, or the purview of the young. Or the wicked.
But I’m unusually normal. I’ve never been like this.
But this is poison.
I don’t want to be this guy.
I don’t want to be treated like this.
I don’t want to fight like wild animals.
I’ve asked for it to stop.
I try to accept responsibility for what I’ve done… I will always be ashamed.
I don’t deserve this.
You don’t deserve this.
We deserve better.
But I have never loved or been loved like this…
It hurts. It takes everything I care about away from me. It turns me into something I don’t want to be. But you, you and me together.. It’s like a beautiful little poison.
I’m drawn to you, to this, to us.
To what???? Honestly to what?????
I know, but even in anonymity I don’t want to reveal.
The amazing feelings I have for you.
We go together so well.
The fantasy is so powerful.
I’m so close…
I know the truth.
We’re going to break…
You’re too young and beautiful for me.
I’m too rich & set in my ways….
But I can’t let go.
It’s so gross it makes me ill.
I’m so gross it makes me ill.
I’m sad & sorry this has to end.
I’m heartbroken that neither one of us can correct this.
I’m heartbroken that neither of us understands or can control this.