• So Down…

    by  • February 6, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, Confession • 5 Comments

    I don’t even know where to start. I’m 22 years old and Wednesday night I went to the local bar with a girlfriend and I thought I was spacing my few drinks out enough where I would be okay to drive. I didn’t feel drunk and I thought I would be fine. I wasn’t driving reckless or anything but I was pulled over for not using my blinker. They breathalyzed me and I blew a .09. It was the biggest mistake of my life.

    I have always been a good girl and felt good about myself. But these past few days have been some of the worst I have ever had. And I haven’t told anyone so I have to keep it in. I had my boyfriend pick me up that night from the station but I told him a different story for why I was there. I have to pay an expensive ticket and all of the emotional stress that comes with this is just too overwhelming for me. I seriously don’t think I have even been this low in my life. All I want is something to take this pain away. I’m so ashamed and depressed, all I can think about is making it stop.

    I didn’t know where else to turn. I’m always a happy girl with a smile on my face but now every time I smile, it’s forced. I constantly have to hold myself back from bursting into tears. I just want it to stop. But it won’t.

    5 Responses to So Down…

    1. Hollowman
      February 7, 2015 at 8:04 am

      You should feel bad, but unfortunately you feel bad for the wrong reasons it seems.
      You appear to feel a sense of dread of being found out, of having a perfect record marred with a black mark.
      You should know the rule, NO DRINK AND DRIVE, not SOME drinks spaced out.
      Alcohol impairs judgement, worsened dependent on what you ate or drank-remember that it is a myth that cooking burns away alcohol so any foods cooked in alcohol could also have contributed.

      I myself have a situation where i feel 0 effect until it slams me like a brick wall. I mean some days, 10 beers other days 20 still others, 3 beers.
      But no one would guess. Yet it slows my reactions and processing speed.

      You feel bad for you, but you spoke of missed blinkers, i have experience of this with drivers swinging at speed into a turn and no signal. It is dangerous, suppose a child or even adult were out, look to cross see you, no blinker, cross, you are 0.5 seconds late in seeing them….
      What chance of fatality? Drive at 30 kph and get someone to time you for 1s if they haven’t or can’t time a half, then measure the distance travelled. May take some time but after a run or two you will be able to mark out a start line and end line.
      Next, repeat and when you get to the end line (if done over 1s divide the distance in half) hit the brakes and then measure distance travelled from the end line to the front of the auto-mobile.

      Now you will see that all that is done without alcohol and knowing what to expect.
      Put the reality in focus and add alcohol and darkness.

      It is useless to wallow in pity or guilt now, own up to it, take the frowns and dressing downs.
      And from then on if you are going out get a cab, get a person to agree to not drink, take turns.
      If you can’t then you don’t deserve a license. I personally drink what i actually like to drink and not to get out of it on drink.

      Then preach it, you are lucky you are not hurt, car is not a write off, no one else was hurt.

      Time to grow up. You aren’t some poor princess needing pampering or absolution, you did a bad thing and need the reality to hit home that had you got away with it, you would have ok’ed that and repeated it another time, self validating your own evaluation of spacing and total consumption, one day maybe deciding one more, then two more, and as time goes on, imagining you know best, until eventually a mother out late pushing her restless child in its stroller, crosses the street to get back home.
      But you mow them both down.

      So, stop feeling bad and just resolve to face what you did, learn from it and in the future, act sensibly.
      And then you have learnt a valuable lesson, to face your failings, to “man up” not hide from them.
      In part you spoke here hoping someone would say “Hush don’t worry we all do it, you’re no demon”
      And in part, because you recognise a need to admit the error.

      Some may say i have been harsh, but if you followed my advice, you will feel better making the truthful admission and resolving to be responsible in future, and never again run a risk of causing unintentional death.

    2. Anonymous
      February 7, 2015 at 8:21 pm


      You need to tell your parents asap. You need to fight this so that it stays off of your permanent record. It is easy to blow over a .08. Almost everything we ingest raises our blood alcohol level, including gum. If you combine a carb heavy meal and 1 beer, you will blow over a .08. It is a common misconception that you have to drink a couple of drinks in a short period of time, to blow over the legal limit.

      Hire an attorney and fight hard. It is going to be expensive, but it will be worth it.

    3. Anonymous
      February 7, 2015 at 8:24 pm

      Also, if you blew in the field, you can fight the test results citing calibration error. Never blow in the field, always blow at the station and after talking to a public defender. And never do the field tests!!!

    4. Hollowman
      February 8, 2015 at 6:13 pm

      I beg you do not take the above advice, it’s a cop out. It’s a dodge and a squirm. Over is over, so yeah wait to the station and delay as long as you can. Well answer this, when you kill a child anon, what do you advise the parents do? Refuse the autopsy at the morgue, wait till the funeral and then it will be ok?

      OP Trust ME!
      If you accept that drink driving at all is wrong, and admit it, and learn not to in future and to face the consequences of your actions it will be for the best. If you let someone cuddle and hush and kiss it away, you will always seek the dodge, the excuse.
      That’s in all things. In the salient matter, you let an excuse permit this and you risk making it okay, i know this, a drink driver who got off on technicalities or so on in the past (and you won’t expunge that from the record btw) i would hunt them down to death if they killed my child. I would be jailed, just to reach them.

      But let me remove my personal feelings from this. I am not being a troll or nasty. You have to grow up. You have to learn to accept your faults.

      If you really were the good girl you think then you either were a good but dumb girl, or a girl that knows but does a bit naughty so long as no one can tell her off because she is rather precious.

      Be strong, be brave, face what happened. Sure challenge it if it may impact work or whatever, but please thank the lord you got caught then not an hour later after a longer stay at the bar.
      This is a day to grow and learn, please don’t be persuaded to dodge and squirm out of responsibility.
      I wish you well but assure you i know from myself in many situations that acceptance, repentance and understanding is the way (and by repentance i dont mean god necessarily, just regret and remorse)

    5. well said
      February 9, 2015 at 9:39 am

      I agree with Hollowman.

    Leave a Reply